Aww, Scheiss!
by RebelWolf
Summary: Sequel to "Aww Craps" (well sort of). Another trip to the US. Another opportunity for adventure & mayhem for the once pharaoh. And this time, the tomb robber's in the mix!
1. Default Chapter

all disclaimers apply as usual

Author's note: heheheh, an unexpected SEQUEL to my Aww, Craps fic! For those of you who don't know German, "scheiss" (pardon it's spelling...can't do the little German symbol thingys on this writing program) is commonly referenced in the German language as "shit" though it can also mean "damn" or "crap." I'm leaning towards the first slang word I mentioned when I titled this fic.

**Aww, Scheiss!**

The gang couldn't resist. It was unbelievable! Yet another excuse to travel to the United States! This time, they would be accompanying Yugi's grandfather to Professor Hopkins' place and then to a ski resort where an archaeological convention was being held.

Anyway, it was the dead of winter in the United States. Naturally, Yami protested. While he couldn't recollect much, he knew he was Egyptian. Handling the desert heat of Las Vegas was natural for him, but cold, ice, and snow just didn't appeal to him whatsoever. But with some coaxing from Yugi and Tea, they brought out the warmer points of winter...warm fires, hot chocolate, snuggly blankets, tranquility, and even a little fun. The pharaoh agreed, though he had little choice, Yugi was bringing the Puzzle along with or without the ancient ruler's consent. The king was coming along whether he wanted to or not.

Since the pharaoh was tagging along, he made it a point for Yugi to invite Ryou this time too. If the pharaoh had to endure the cold, then the tomb robber certainly deserved it as well.

So once again, we find Yugi in his room packing.

"Yugi, we are staying in a heated building correct?"

"Yeah, a ski resort...nice hotel, great lodge with fireplaces and ski bunnies!"

"Ski bunnies?"

Yugi's face blushed. "Pretty girls skiing in tight outfits."

"But wouldn't they be cold?"

"Yeah, but it's a fashion statement. They usually can't ski well...they just hang around the lodges looking pretty."

"And I take it you can't ski either?"

"Skiing is a sport. You know I can't do sports. But, I may try a beginner hill or something. It can't be much harder than ice skating, I can at least stand on those. Perhaps you'd like to try it?"

"Two boards strapped onto one's feet. Then sent up a chair to the top of a snowy mountain only to careen back down it using said boards upon one's feet. I don't see the point."

"It's FUN Yami...FUN!"

"So why don't you like it then?"

"Cause I suck...at least I think I do."

"Then what makes you think I'd do any better?"

"You're my opposite. If I suck. You're probably a natural."

"Snow is cold."

Yugi found another approach. "Ryou can ski very well. That means Bakura will likely figure it out too."

"I will NOT allow the tomb robber to best me in anything!"

"I didn't think so. Well, I guess that solves that matter. I'll be sure to get a lift ticket like the rest of the gang then."

Yami muttered several curse words under his breath. He'd been suckered into yet another little ordeal thanks to his innocent, loving little partner.

"Aww, don't worry Yami. We have all sorts of warm stuff to wear. You won't even feel the cold if you dress properly. And, speaking of which...no...you can't pack sleeveless shirts this time." Yugi said as he removed Yami's favorite black tank and muscle shirts from the suitcases. "Here, we'll add a couple of these nice sweaters...black as usual since that seems to be your color these days. And let's see..hehehe, this...is warm...oh and that..."

The pharaoh rolled his eyes and said nothing. For once in a blue moon, he was out of control of the situation. All he could do was go along with it.

Elsewhere...

"I will NOT wear such idiotic things!" Bakura spat. Of recent, he, like the pharaoh, had learned to share the body of his vessel rather than completely dominate it. Bakura and Ryou rather struck a partnership of sorts...though it was always to Bakura's advantage.

"Too bad. My body." Ryou calmly replied back as he continued packing, thus ignoring the spirit of the tomb robber. Though, thanks to Yugi's speech on sharing, fairness, and suffering, Yami had to share with the tomb robber, the secret chant that he could use to assume his own form with aid of the Millenium Ring...just as Yami learned with use of the Puzzle and had revealed to all during their trip to Las Vegas.

But for now, Ryou was in control and spirit could do nothing more other than bitch and moan. "Why must we go anyway. Those pathetic dweebs are useless to me."

"Because they are my friends and I do enjoy skiing. What is it with you and the pharaoh? Yugi says he's having a similar bitchfest with Yami as well."

"We're Egyptians. Desert. Seering heat. Baking sand. Does any of that relate to where we are going?"

"Well...no...but..."

"Our bodies are adapted to heat and sun...not cold! That's why we have a nice permanent tan and are not sickly white like you. Make sense?"

"Sure, but, well, if you dress properly and not half naked like you usually do, then you'll have little worry about the cold."

Bakura growled. Sometimes his partner could really get on his already sensitive, easily annoyed nerves. "Do as you wish. I grow tired of this debate." he replied as he vanished back into the Ring, thus leaving Ryou to pack in peace.

Joey, Tristan, and Tea had no trouble at all preparing for the trip. Though Joey had to get into a little argument with Tristan over the phone. Tristan really wanted Serenity to come along and naturally Joey said no way!

When the time came, all met at the Game Shop and prepared for their departure to the airport.

Once at the airport, they had one ordeal after another. Ryou had allowed Bakura to assume his own form. Ryou had nasty motion sickness so it was best for Bakura to handle the flight. But, to counter Bakura's nastiness and troublesome ways, Yugi was forced to allow the pharoah to take over and assume his own form as well. Unfortunately for all of them, the pharaoh too, seemed to be in rare form. Neither king nor thief could get past the security gates without the things buzzing. Bakura grew impatient and when asked to remove yet another article of clothing, decided to make it easier for all. He removed everything and strolled naked through the security screening gate. Naturally Yugi's grandfather was forced to explain the young man's actions and luckily for all, the ordeal was allowed to slide. Now Yami was a bit more cooperative, but found it rather undignified to have to keep removing articles of clothing. His studded boots, belts, armbands, choker, and other adornments continued to set the things off. He was just about to do as Bakura did when Yugi interrupted him from his soul room and sternly reminded him not to stoop to such a lowly level. The ancient king complied and just sucked it up and tolerated the indignities of the body search. He also told Yugi that it would be Yugi going through these things on their return trip back.

While dressing once again and without anyone noticing, Bakura had grabbed a 'lost kid' sticker and modified it with a marker he'd found on the floor. It now read "lost king...if found, please return to the tombs ASAP!" Without Yami noticing, he peeled it from its backing and gently placed it on the back of Yami.

Once through the security gates and finally en route to the boarding gates, more trouble ensued. Joey smelled food. Naturally this set off Tristan as well. And the thief, liking food himself, especially things like the rotessierie chicken he saw spinning in the oven, joined them. The pharaoh licked his lips, but remained with Tea and Grandpa. Again, his manners and status prevented him from joining in such immature, ridiculous actions. But, oh how he really wanted a piece of that turning chicken too!

Ever watchful, Tea picked up on the pharaoh's subtle desire. She told Grandpa she'd go reign in the other three and bring some food over for the rest of them. Yami graciously thanked her. All Yugi had eaten before they left was a bowl of cereal and two pieces of toast. To the ancient king, it was but mere chickenfeed! No wonder his aibou didn't grow!

True to form, Tea managed to get Joey and Tristan under control. But the tomb robber was another story. He was busy eyeballing the numerous churning chickens and no doubt thinking up ways to steal them all. Tea quickly made a large purchase for all and gave the thief a separate sack with a whole bird just for himself. "There. Just go sit down now please."

With the smell of a chicken in the bag, Bakura obliged. He was anxious to tear into the succulent bird anyway.

Finding a table, Yami and Grandpa joined them.

"I want a leg!" Joey called.

"You can't handle a leg!" Tristan mocked.

Tea smacked them both on the backsides of their heads. Both boys calmed down and only then were served some food.

Bakura was off at his own table nearby ripping into his very own chicken.

"Hey, why does he get a whole chicken and we only get parts." Joey whined.

"If you want some of his, why not go ask him for some." Tea smirked.

"No way. He's worse than a rabid dog with a bone."

"Then shut up and eat what you're given." Tea replied.

Meanwhile, Yami was growing impatient. He had kindly and respectfully waited his turn for some food, but these little debates were making his wait longer. He shifted several times in his chair, constantly eyeing a whole chicken that had yet to be divided up.

Grandpa noticed the pharaoh's discomfort. "Heheh, that kingly attribute of being served first shows itself. You're fighting the urge to take what is rightfully yours eh?"

Yami, caught off guard, stopped stirring and resumed a more mature demeanor. "Perhaps. But Yugi ate next to nothing this morning. I'm famished and that smell is so enticing that my patience is wearing thin."

Grandpa grabbed the other chicken while Tea was busy dealing with the boys and passed it over to the pharaoh. "Help yourself then. All you need to do is simply ask." Grandpa replied. Though, for a once king, even without memories, asking for something was a bit of a feat. Kings usually automatically got what they wanted without a single utterance from them. The young pharaoh was no exception.

Eventually all ate and were satisfied and at peace for once. As they patiently sat and waited for the boarding call, Bakura pulled a magazine out from his cloak-like jacket.

"Where did you get that?" Tea asked.

"Magazine shop table." He replied, oblivious to the fact that he'd done something wrong.

"Let me guess...you didn't pay for that."

"Was I supposed to?" Bakura replied as innocently as he could, but failed completely.

Tea gruffed. Maybe she should've opted out of this particular trip this time! But turning away, Yami's dashing features caught her eye and gave her the real reason why she had said yes in the first place.

Grandpa continued to read a newspaper as Joey and Tristan eyed the occupants of the terminal. They were playing a little game of "guess her bra size." There was little help for them. But, as long as they stayed put in their seats, they were not causing any real trouble.

Yami seemed in a transfixed gaze. Tea left him alone. Either he was deep in his own thoughts or he was talking to Yugi within their soul rooms. It mattered not. With a sigh, Tea pulled a book from her purse and started her own reading. Little did she know that she'd only dealt with the tip of the iceberg. For once at Professor Hopkins' place, she'd have to deal with the annoying, obnoxious Rebecca Hopkins, who seemed to take a liking to Yugi as well.

And nobody had yet to notice Bakura's little trick played upon the pharaoh.

to be continued... 


	2. Finally done flying!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 2**

A short while later, the announcement was made for boarding of their flight. Luckily for Yami, he was the first to stand. The others immediately noticed the little flourescent orange sticker on his back.

"Hey, you lost?" Joey snickered.

"What?" Yami replied.

"That's what it says...hmm, trying to escape back to Egypt and away from this cold trip eh?" Joey continued as he read the rest of it. The others laughed despite themselves...even grandpa!

Meanwhile Bakura remained seated with a smug grin of satisfaction.

Tea kindly removed the sticker and showed Yami what it read. Yami said nothing, but his glare towards the tomb robber spoke death in a thousand ways.

Bakura put on his crooked halo act. "What? You're accusing me?"

"Guilty until proven innocent." Yami replied, letting the thief know that he still believed in the ancient concept of justice.

"It was well worth it." Bakura remarked as he stood. Looking at Tea, he seemed to soften somewhat. He left the magazine he'd stolen on the seat. "Feel better?" he asked her.

"No, but it's a start."

Grandpa followed behind them all, making sure nobody was left behind.

Once on the plane, Joey and Tristan grabbed a seat together. The tomb robber tried to sneak all the way to the back of the plane, away from everyone, but the pharaoh snagged him and dragged him back with the others. Grandpa told Tea it would be best if she sat between the thief and the pharoah for precautionary measures as Grandpa himself, sat on the outside of Joey and Tristan, so that those two could not act up too much.

Within minutes, they were airborne and en route to the midwest United States.

Yami, bored, closed his eyes for some sleep. Bakura stared out the window, marvelling at what he could do if he stole a plane of this size, and Tea simply sighed a breath of relief. Perhaps this flight wouldn't be so bad afterall.

In the row behind them, Joey and Tristan were playing with some jumping beans Joey had bought at a souvenier shop prior to going to the game shop.

"Heheh, hey! Where'd it go!?" Joey said as a bean jumped.

Tristan missed it too. "Eh?"

"It's at your crotch Trist."

"No way!" Tristan said as he looked. Sure enough the bean had landed there.

"Heheh, must be a female bean." Joey mocked as Tristan grabbed the bean and flicked it at Joey's cheek.

"Then she's all yours." Tristan replied.

Moments later, the beans became a bore and Joey found another distraction...pestering the tomb robber seated behind him. He pushed the button on the side of the arm rest and tilted his seat all the way back...bumping the thief's knees in the process.

"You pathetic excuse for a---" Bakura started, but Tea swiftly grabbed the nearest ear and twisted hard.

"Don't start."

"Ow, Fine. Just tell him to give me some space."

"Joey, be nice."

Joey did as was requested but looked from the crack between the seat and the window. He mouthed 'baby' to the thief who quickly kicked the chair in front of him.

Grandpa had a plan. He stood and made the excuse to use the bathroom. Once in back of the plane he asked the flight attendant for three drinks. Without her noticing, he slipped one pill in each of the drinks and stirred then brought them back.

"Here, Joey, Tristan, Bakura. Maybe these'll quiet you three down."

"Don't you all want some too?" Joey asked.

"We'll get ours in a minute."

Joey accepted that answer and all three downed their glasses of sodas. Twenty minutes later all three were sleeping like peaceful babies.

"What did you put in those drinks Mr. Motou?" Tea asked as she tipped Bakura's head away and used a napkin to wipe away the drool on her arm.

"Sleeping pills...prescription strength. I had a feeling they'd be like that and it's a VERY long flight."

"I see. Should be peaceful now. How long will they be out?"

" About three hours. By then, we'll be switching planes. There's a meal served on the next flight so I can add pills then to finish the flight to America. I guess Yami's out all by himself?"

"He's sound asleep I guess. None of this has even phased him." Tea remarked.

"Guess I won't have to give him one then. I figured he'd behave himself anyway. But, I had one for him too, just to be on the safe side."

And for the rest of the trip, Grandpa and Tea enjoyed the flight in relative peace and quiet.

The others were groggily coming too as the pills were wearing off just as the plane was descending for Hawaii. From there, they would grab a flight to Salt Lake City, Utah. Only Yami was still out.

"Tea, wake Yami please." Grandpa asked. But, before she could, Bakura jumped at the opportunity. He reached over Tea and smacked the pharaoh hard across the cheek. 

"Wake up loser."

Tea shoved the thief back into his seat just as Yami snapped to and tried to figure out what had just whacked him.

"Sorry Yami. I hadn't expected such rudeness." Tea said as she glared at the tomb robber, who simply shrugged like nothing was the matter.

Inwardly, Yami's mind began to formulate ways to get even with the thief. He'd not let such disrespectful behavior go unpunished.

In front of them, Joey and Tristan were busy wiping drool off themselves. 

Soon, the plane landed and they were off to find their next connection. Yami stopped to gaze out the window of the airport. There was sun, heat, and a tropical setting, almost like one huge oasis. 

"This is winter? I thought it was cold?"

"We're not there yet Yami. This is Hawaii, a tropical island." Tea corrected.

"Can I remain here? I can simply meet back up with you all upon your transfer on the return trip."

"No." Grandpa said outwardly, while Yugi said the same thing inwardly. 

Yami shrugged it off. It was worth a shot. Bakura had stopped and listened to the conversation. For once, he and the pharaoh agreed. It would be better for them here. But, Yugi's grandfather's answer meant not even the pharaoh's luck was with them this day.

All continued onward to their next boarding gate and took a seat.

"Hey Tristan, do you remember much about that flight? Didn't it seem so short?" Joey asked as something finally dawned on him.

"You're right Joey. I don't remember it being this short before when we went to Vegas...of course we didn't stop in Hawaii either."

"Still...I don't even remember being served peanuts! Last thing I remember is jumping beans and Bakura kicking my chair."

Grandpa and Tea chuckled lightly. Even Bakura was sporting a bewildered look as he too, tried to recollect the flight. All three young men stared over at Yami for some explanation. Usually the ancient ruler had a good answer.

"Don't look at me. I was asleep through the whole thing." Yami replied.

Tea and Grandpa snickered once again. 

"Joey, you slept as well. All of you boys were out." Tea answered.

"Hmm...that's weird. I don't usually sleep through flights." Joey commented, but shrugged it off.

Shortly after, the call to board their next flight was announced. Yami, paranoid about stickers now, checked his back, much to everyone's amusement. Kings had a natural sense of paranoia anyway and it was comical to watch such a behavior play out in their own young pharaoh.

Bakura made a mental note to find more stickers of any type soon.

This time, the plane was smaller. Only two persons per row. Grandpa mixed them up a bit in hopes of avoiding drugging the teens once again. Tristan sat beside Bakura. Joey sat beside Grandpa. And naturally, Tea got to sit beside Yami.

And off into the wild blue yonder once again!

All remained rather behaved during this shorter flight. The only hitch they had was when Bakura found out about the alcohol option. He immediately wanted some. Even Yami preferred a glass of wine over soda, but in part because soda and water went through his system so fast. And, he hated using inflight portapotties! Much to their dismay, Grandpa forbid it. He couldn't imagine the trouble those two could get into if alcohol got into their systems!

Soon, the plane began its descent. The familiar green and brown tones of the earth were replaced by black and white as snow-covered mountain peaks rose all around them. Yami and Bakura immediately shivered. To them, just looking at the ice and snow triggered their response to cold! This was going to be rather interesting.

As they got off the plane, Professor Hopkins and Rebecca met them at the airport. Tea and Rebecca had an interesting glare at one another, but it was cut off when Yami walked between them, seeking his luggage so he could dig out warmer attire. Bakura had already found his and was putting on layer after layer almost to the point that nothing was left in his luggage!

Joey and Tristan, cockily stepped beyond the two ancient Egyptians and strode straight outside to the waiting car. A gusty wisk of cold air blew just as they exited to the outdoors. Immediately both ran back inside the airport and casually opened their own luggage for warmer attire. Once all were ready, Professor Hopkins led the group out to his waiting car.

Bakura and Yami both coughed as they took in a deep breath of below zero temperatures. As they exhaled they noticed they could see their own breath. Bakura seemed strangely amused by such a feat, but quickly entered the car as soon as the door was opened. Yami was the second in as his quick reflexes urged him out of the cold as fast as possible. The other laughed as they casually entered behind the two already freezin' egyptians.

En route there, Tea explained to Rebecca how it was that she could now see the pharaoh instead of 'her Yugi.' And introduced the tomb robber as well since she had not met him previously. The two ladies talked as all the guys were tranfixed by the scenery going by. It was cold. It was tall. And it was something to be explored. Bakura and Yami, however, figured it was something to be avoided. Both could agree with one another that cold was best left to those who were adapted for it. They'd seek out the luxuries of the lodge and hotel...warm jacuzzis, hot chocolate, fine wine (yes, they were determined to get some!), crackling fires in fireplaces, and other warm, cozy comforts. Bakura was looking over brochures he'd smuggled out of grandpa's pocket and noted that there were also massages, girlie shows, and other events that could be done in the secure warmth of buildings. He pointed them out to the pharaoh, who seemed unresponsive. 

"Aww, c'mon pharaoh, you can't tell me you didn't have a harem or two back then." Bakura teased.

"I don't know." Yami replied, disinterested in the thief's teasing.

Meanwhile, both Rebecca and Tea were immediately interested in the conversation, as was Joey and Tristan.

"Ooh, they got dancin' girls?" Joey asked Bakura.

"Don't know about dancing, but they have girls." Bakura replied.

Rebecca and Tea watched Yami's reaction to all this talk about girls and the innuendo to sex, but he didn't seem to have one at all. 

Meanwhile, in the front seat of the car, Grandpa suddenly realized that Bakura was lookinga HIS brochures!

"Where did you get those?" he asked calmly.

"From you, remember?" Bakura replied as he tried to cover.

Yami grabbed the brochures from Bakura's hands and gave them back to Grandpa. Grandpa made a mental note to check the thief's luggage before they departed on their return trip.

Several hours later, they were at the Hopkins' abode. There they would rest for a day before departing for the ski resort. 

to be continued... 


	3. Hit the Slopes

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 3**

The next morning, all anxiously awoke early. The teens couldn't wait to get to the ski resort to enjoy a multitude of winter activities and the elder men could wait to get to the convention to hear of the latest finds and theories.

The smell of bacon permeated throughout the house. Yami stirred immediately. For some odd reason, bacon was fast becoming a favorite of his. "Aibou. May I?" he asked his partner as he couldn't resist a chance to physically taste the greasy, but oh so tasty strips of pork. Having arrived at the Hopkins' abode, Yami and Yugi had switched places as well as Ryou and and Bakura. Though, inwardly Yugi would've rather Yami remained in control so as to avoid Rebecca's advances, but Yami needed rest...until now.

"Heheheh, somehow I knew you'd ask. Sure. Why not. I need a little more sleep anyway. But remember, you will be in your own form until after we get to the resort." Yugi said as he finished drying his hair and began dressing.

"Would you rather--"

"No, no...I'm just forewarning you that it's cold out there."

"You packed warm things. It shouldn't be much of a bother." Yami winked. Yugi nodded and the two concentrated, allowing Yami to assume his own form.

As it turned out, while Ryou was in the shower, Bakura too, beckoned to take control. He entered the room drying his hair as he met another dark skinned being. "Oh, its you now."

"Good morning to you too." Yami gruffed and contined dressing. He found what Yugi had instructed him to wear...long underwear, a turtleneck, sweater, and two layers of socks, one being of the wool variety.

"You look like an overpuffed penguin." Bakura chuckled.

"I wouldn't laugh. From what I gather, you're going to look even worse." Yami said as he stepped out of the room to gather his share of the bacon.

As he entered the dining area, Rebecca and Tea were busy laying out the food. Rebecca was somewhat disappointed that it was the pharaoh rather than her Yugi that was in their presence.

Joey and Tristan immediately began to dig in, but stopped as soon as Yami's regal death glare shoved the two back in their seats. Yami kept the two from reaching from any more food until all were seated.

As a reward, Tea handed Yami the plate with the bacon. Yugi had told her about Yami's love of the stuff.

Bakura meandered down with his own casual air to the world. He took his seat without a word as others kindly passed him some of the food plates. Sometimes...even the King of Thieves had manners. Grandpa Motou and Professor Hopkins marvelled at the sight of two ancient Egyptians who were total opposites, seated at the same table. Luckily, both young men were more interested in their food than each other. But, the elder men figured the two were likely in truce until they arrived at the ski resort.

Once breakfast was complete, the boys headed outside and packed their luggage while the elders and ladies took care of the plates and prepared for the trip. While waiting, they found that the snow was of a perfect consistency.

Joey and Tristan broke out in a snowball fight. Bakura, finding the opportunity for mayhem, joined in. Seeing Yami standing idly by the van, Bakura couldn't resist. There was no way the pharaoh was going to play manners through this whole trip! But little did Bakura know that the ancient ruler was one step ahead of the thief.

Bakura launched a snowball directly at Yami. With agility of a cat, Yami gracefully slid to the side, allowing the snowball to whack the van. But as he maneuved, he had launched a snowball of his own! Bakura didn't know the pharaoh had picked up any snow let alone rolled one into a ball! It caught the thief off guard. The snowball whacked him between the legs.

Joey and Tristan fell over laughing hysterically as Bakura winced in pain. Yami simply smirked proudly then resumed his stoic stance like nothing had happened.

Before Bakura could exact his revenge upon the pharaoh, the others had exited the house. Joey and Tristan scrambled to their feet to offer their assistance in loading the rest of the bags. Yami had already started doing such.

"What's wrong with Bakura?" Tea asked as she noticed the King of Thieves all pissed off and just standing several feet away fuming.

"He found out that snowballs can give soreballs." Joey replied as he and Tristan broke into a fit of laughter once again.

Both Rebecca and Tea glanced over at Yami. He shrugged with a devious smirk. It was King of Games-1, King of Thieves-0.

On the trip there, Grandpa Motou made sure that nothing could happen in the vehicle. Yami sat up front in the passenger's seat as Professor Hopkins drove while he himself, sat beside Bakura in the farthest row from the front. Tea and Rebecca sat behind the front row as Tristan and Joey sat behind them. Bakura wore an imaginary halo all the way there as if he were trying to score pity points.

Once there, the elder men got out to check in and get their rooms, lift tickets for the teens,etc. As the teens waited by the van, they looked at the mountain looming before them.

"I don't know about you, but this is like twice the size of the mountain we use for skiing with our school's ski club." Tristan said. All had signed up for ski club one year, but where they went was only a quarter the size of the mammoth mountain before them. Even Bakura gulped. He'd never seen such a large piece of Earth before! Yami was equally amazed, but didn't reveal such outwardly. To him, it was simply another challenge to be mastered by him. They watched nearby trails are skiers snaked down them, some hitting massive mounds and doing mid air stunts.

Bakura glanced over at Yami. Yami returned his stare. Both gave each other an unspoken, "bring it on" before assisting in unpacking the luggage from the top of the van.

Within minutes all were headed into the hotel to their assigned rooms. Tea and Rebecca were given a room as was the elder men. Then, the split of the boys. Joey and Yugi in one room. Tristan and Ryou in the other. This way at least the hotel rooms could be sanctuary for the thief or king as it was fast becoming obvoius that no other part of the resort would be.

Once settled in, Grandpa and Professor Hopkins had to immediatly report in at the archaeology convention. The teens were allowed to explore the resort or ski as their lift tickets were good for the entire duration of the convention.

Rebecca and Tea decided to try the ice skating rink. "Do you think it's wise we leave those troublemakers all together without supervision?" Tea asked.

"The pharaoh and thief will likely split from the other two. It looks as though they already have their own plans."

"True. Well, I guess it's okay then. Joey and Tristan aren't that much trouble together, especially if there's sports around."

Meanwhile, Bakura opted to visit the lodge's pub. Yami followed suit, not wanting the thief to get out of sight.

Joey and Tristan headed over to the ski shop for rentals. They were going to try to attract some ski bunnies.

At the pub, Bakura ordered and received a beer. Yami wasn't stupid enough to try to get alcohol. Unlike Bakura, his appearance didn't make him look older. He opted for a nice warm mug of hot chocolate and sat beside the fire that was crackling in the main dining area. He could still see the thief at the bar from where he sat. He also watched skiers as they whisked down the trails towards the lodge. He was studying their motions so that if he too, wanted to ski, he'd master it quickly. It was all a matter of physics, balance, and angles. Not too far fetched for the ancient ruler to grasp.

Bakura, feeling a bit social decided to join the pharaoh by the fire.

"Wanna try some?" he said as he offered his beer to the ancient ruler.

"I know what beer tastes like. Our kind invented the stuff remember?"

"Yeah, but this is European beer. It's much more potent than that ancient stuff we had. Just try a little. It's not often I'm nice."

"No need to state the obvious." Yami replied as his curiousity got the better of him. He took a drink of it and nearly choked. He wasn't ready for exactly how strong it was!

"Heheheh, see. Now, next meal, we go to that fancy restaurant in the hotel and get wine, got it?"

"They won't serve me wine thief."

"Then I'll get it another way." Bakura smirked.

Yami rolled his eyes. "It's your funeral."

"Whatever that's supposed to mean. I'm already dead." Bakura said as both thief and king turned their attentions towards the action outside. "So that is skiing eh? Doesn't look hard at all."

Then they saw a skier lose his balance and careen uncontrollably down the hill before coming to a stop in a most uncomfortable position.

"Hmm, it appears harder than it looks. Trick is not to fall at all costs." Yami stated as he sipped his cocoa once again. The falling guy made him cold just watching him.

Naturally though, this gave the thief a plan of action.

Moments later, they saw a snowmobile go by with a sled on the back and a skier within it. Within the lodge, they heard a couple of skiers mutter something about that guy having just shattered his leg.

"Guess this sport should not be underestimated. It's more dangerous than it seems." Yami commented.

"Your funeral." Bakura commented for no apparent reason. Yami gave him a death stare. He knew what the thief was planning.

"I don't trust you thief."

"When have you ever?"

"I know what you're planning."

"Accidents happen." Bakura muttered. "Well, I'm off to find those scantily clad females."

"Don't steal anything!" Yami warned.

"Who me? Nah..maybe just some woman's virginity...that's all."

"Good luck." Yami chuckled. He knew that the odds of finding a virgin of legal age in modern times was slim to none.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guess you'll find out sooner or later." Yami replied as his attentions returned to watching skiers.

Bakura growled and departed. He hated riddles!

Elsewhere, Joey and Tristan were preparing to hit the slopes! As they snapped their gear on, they looked for the easiest trail that could make their beginner butts look the coolest. And naturally, there had to be ladies on the trail as well.

As they picked one out and waited in line, they found a couple of college girls in line in front of them.

"Hello ladies, come here often?" Joey asked. Tristan couldn't believe his friend just opened with the most cliche line around!

The two giggled. "You're not from around here are you?" one said in a rather thick accent.

"We're from Japan."

The other lady spoke. "We're from Sweden."

"Care to join to lonely men on a run down the hill?" Tristan added as both Joey and Tristan looked at each other thinking they were going to score big with two hot Swedish ladies.

"Sure, why not? We're headed down Devil's Abyss. Is that the trail you two are going down as well?"

"Uhh, sure. We just got here. Which one is Devil's Abyss?" Joey asked.

The two girls pointed at a double black diamond (that means serious expert trail for those of you who don't ski) that began at the very top of the mountain, snaked through pine trees, dropped off cliffs, and sported powder snow up to one's chest.

Joey and Tristan gulped. "Uh, actually, we wanted to properly warm up first...down an easier trail to get our muscles ready for the big stuff." Tristan quickly replied.

"Yeah, we're going down this one." Joey pointed.

"Yes, Fluffy Fun is a good warm up run." one of the girls giggled.

"Fluffy Fun!? That's the name of that trail?"

The girls nodded.

Joey and Tristan felt as if they'd just been castrated.

And in yet another area of the resort. Tea and Rebecca had hit the ice with their rented skates.

"What's the odds of getting one of the boys on this ice?"

"For a game of hockey perhaps. Otherwise, I'd say null." Rebecca replied.

"But there's so many of us girls out here. You'd think they'd know where the gals hang out."

"It's their pride. They're limited by that remember."

"Oh, how could I forget."

Suddenly two young men came racing onto the outdoor rink. The first immediately fell on his ass and cursed. The second, shorter guy tried to stop his forward motion onto the ice, but waited too late, he too, slipped and fell on his ass. Yet more Egyptian cursing ensued.

"Was that Egyptian I just heard?" Tea asked.

"I can't believe it. It's the thief and the pharaoh." Rebecca said as she caught a glimpse of Bakura's lengthy white hair and the pharaoh's spike hair.

"What on Earth are they doing!?" Tea said as she and Rebecca immediately skated towards them.

Bakura tried to regain his footing only to find his legs going in opposite directions. He had to choose quickly...fall back down or do a split. He opted to fall again.

Yami, who had, as dignified as he could, regained his footing by using a snowbank as leverage slid back down in laughter as he watched Bakura fall back on his ass yet again.

"Just what are you two doing!?" Tea asked as still laughing Yami.

Yami immediately tried to compose himself, but realized it was worthless. "Uh, hello Tea, Rebecca. Nice to meet you here."

"Don't change the subject. What's going on?"

"Thief there found the dancing girls boring and most unvirginlike, but was told there were virgins on ice. He didn't realize it was an exclusive drink here, not a real thing. But, I figured it was best he learned that on his own. I followed just to watch it play out."

Pharaoh-2 Thief-0

Tea and Rebecca couldn't help but laugh. Bakura continued to curse as he found himself unable to stand in the middle of the rink. He had no props for leverage until--

"Hey kid...c'mere a sec."

A boy about seven years old in full hockey gear looked over at the strange man sprawled out in the middle of the rink.

"You need help mister?"

"Yeah. Pull me over to the side will ya? By that spikey haired guy."

The boy obliged and called over a couple of his friends. They told Bakura to hold on to their hockey sticks as they dragged him to the side of the rink.

Yami turned into the snowbank to hide his laughter only to realize he just got a cold faceful of snow! He stopped laughing and lifted his face. Tea and Rebecca nearly fell over laughing this time. The pharaoh looked like a partially done snowman! These two were most amusing in an element neither were familiar with.

Bakura actually thanked the whelps that helped him to the side. He then started laughing as Yami, still with snow on his face, glanced over at the thief. Yami, already disgusted at making a fool of himself, grabbed a chunk of snow and heaved it into Bakura's face. Needless to say, it stopped Bakura's laugh.

"Will you two stop! You are making asses of yourselves!" Tea said, half giggling.

"Speaking of which. Mine is cold. Later ladies." Yami added as he tried to wipe some of the snow off his face. He then pushed himself fully into the snow and stood. The thief repeated the maneuver. Both brushed snow off themselves then as casually as they could, raced back towards the warmth of the lodge. Bakura, not wanting to lose the 'race' to the lodge tripped the pharaoh up from behind. Yami crashed to the snowy ground face first, thus getting another faceful of snow. Cursing, he regained his footing, caught up the thief and tacked him from behind. Yami's weight firmly stuffed the thief into the snow face first as well while he landed upon the thief. He then sped off to the lodge first while Bakura chose to walk, spitting snow and curse words as he eventually reached the lodge.

Pharaoh-3 Thief-0

to be continued... 


	4. Rebound time!

all disclaimers apply as usual

author's note: in response to the comment in a review about descriptive words...in a fast-moving, light, happy comedy fic like this one, desccriptive words are a bad thing...slows the fic down and distracts from the main focus of the story...the character interaction. Besides, I want my readers to engage their own imaginations in my stories...to formulate their own vision of the story. If I put descriptive words in, then I'm essentially forcing my readers to see it as I see it. I don't like it that way. I believe descriptive words are good in certain type fics, but not in this particular type. And, to another comment in the reviews: don't worry, Bakura won't get too far behind in the score. In fact, this chapter may show some of that . :P

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 4**

The thief reached the pharaoh just as the king was opening the door to return inside the lodge. With the king's back to him and one arm on the door, opening it, Bakura found a chance to strike. With a handful of snow, he grabbed the upper portion of Yami's clothing and sent the wad of cold snow down Yami's back.

"eeeeeyyyyoowww, cold!" Yami yelped as he let go of the door and spun to try and get the offending snow off his skin. He couldn't reach it and with one layer of shirt tucked in, it wasn't going out the bottom either. He simply had to wait for it to melt.

Pharaoh-3 Thief-1

The thief chuckled, his evil smirk said a thousand words without muttering a single one. Once the bulk of the snow had melted and his back began to warm once again, Yami grabbed the thief. "This is NOT over."

"I never said it was." Bakura sarcastically shot back.

Yami let go of the thief with a rough shove, then returned to opening the door and entering.

The ancient ruler wanted to change out of his wet clothing as soon as he could. Sitting on the snow caused his butt to get wet through all layers! And, the pharaoh hated having wet pants! But, he had to get some distance from the thief first.

"Do you mind?"

"Mind what?"

"I'd rather not have you sticking by me like a love sick dog."

"I'm not humping your leg am I?"

"Thank Ra for that! Look, if you must know, I'm returning to the hotel room for a change of clothing. Is that permissible, mother?"

Bakura growled. Without a word, he turned and returned to the bar for another beer. If anything, the pharaoh was driving him to drink! Then he thought better of it, a little alcohol always helped clear one's mind. He'd come up with a new plan of action while the king was away.

In the hotel room, Yami quickly stripped of all clothing. "Aibou?" he said as he concentrated on Yugi.

"Yes, I'm here." Yugi yawned from within his soul room.

"Let's switch. I'm cold, tired, and I want some consistent warmth for a little while."

"Thief's getting on your regal nerves eh?"

Yami chuckled. There were times when Yugi didn't miss a beat. "I suppose. Tea and Rebecca are at the ice rink. Perhaps you'd like to join them?" Yami suggested with a wink.

"Can't skate." Yugi muttered.

"So watch. There's benches on the side."

"Fine, you win. Let's switch." Yugi replied as they concentrated. Within moments, Yugi's form once again took physical presence.

"YAMI! I'M NAKED!"

"Sorry aibou. Wanted to get the wet clothing off."

"Well you could've put a towel on or something!"

"Heheh, I forgot. I'm not as modest as you are Yugi."

"Apparently not." Yugi hmphed as he found a towel and wrapped it about himself then went about finding some new, dry clothes to put on.

Meanwhile, Joey and Tristan were on the ahem, Fluffy Fun. They had learned lesson one. Some ski bunnies really can ski. So, they looked for more promising prospects on the beginner trails. But first, they had to get down it themselves.

"Stop grabbing me Joey!"

"I couldn't stop."

"I noticed that. But, what makes you think I'm any better. We're headed straight for those trees and I don't know how to turn!"

"Then why am I holding on to you then?"

"That's what I was trying to say you dolt!"

As the trees loomed ever nearer, both decided the best course of action was no course. They both willingly collapsed in a most undignified crash.

A young ski instructor saw the two goofballs. She immediately skied over to them to see if she could help.

"Are you two okay?"

Joey and Tristan looked up from their piled heap of bodies and equipment. "Uhh, are we dead because you're a beautiful angel." Tristan commented as he took in what he could see of her features.

The female instructor laughed. "Close. My name's Angelica. Here, let me help you and give you a quick course on the basics of this sport...come join my lesson group."

"Wow, thank you." both boys drooled. Angelica removed her skis so she could better help untangle the two still stupified boys.

Elsewhere, at the pub, Bakura chugged the remaining portion of his beer. The cold, wet clothing of his own was starting to annoy him. With a growl of disgust, he opted to return to the room for a change of clothing as well. As he headed towards the hotel portion of the resort, he passed the pool and caught a glimpse of several jacuzzis. "Hmmm, seems promising." he muttered to himself as he detoured into the pool area. There, he stripped down to his boxers and prepared for a dip in the warm, bubbling water. As he neared the jacuzzis and the steam cleared, he smirked. "Very promising." He approached one of the occupied tubs.

"Hello ladies, mind if I join you?" he said with the innocent manners of gentleman (learned from Ryou no less).

Meanwhile, Yugi, in fresh, dry clothing had arrived at the skating rink. Tea and Rebecca sat upon one of the benches, resting.

"Hi gals."

"Yugi dear!" Rebecca said as she reached over and hugged him.

"Uh, hi." Yugi said as he squirmed out of her grasp.

"Yami had enough of the cold?" Tea asked with a wink.

"For now. But I don't think it's the cold getting to him."

"It's the thief." the girls replied in unison.

Yugi nodded.

"So, where's your skates?" Rebecca asked.

Yugi looked down at the snow. "Can't skate."

"Based off what we saw of Yami, he can't even walk on ice." Tea added, trying to cheer her friend up.

Yugi's eyes lit with curiousity. "Yami was here?"

"You didn't know. Don't you two keep track of each other seeing how you're of the same body?" Tea asked.

"Not always. Besides, I was sleeping."

"Don't see how, given how those two were behaving." Rebecca added.

"Yami was chasing Bakura. Bakura apparently didn't realize what ice was and ran on it. Yami saw the thief spill onto the ice. He tried to stop, but was already on ice himself. I bet both will be sporting sore butts tomorrow." Tea replied.

Yugi rubbed his own butt. "Correction, I will have a sore butt tomorrow. Well, that explains why Yami wanted out of the wet clothing."

"So where's Bakura? He followed the pharaoh inside the lodge."

"Bakura?" Yugi asked as he looked back towards the lodge. "I dunno. I didn't see him anywhere near the hotel."

Back in the pool area, Bakura was in his little form of heaven. He had three beautiful ladies massaging his aching muscles, feeding him fruit, and bringing a glass of fine wine to his lips. It was good to be a king (of thieves...:P)!

Pharaoh-3 Thief-2 (scored a _much_ better way of relaxing! ;p)

On the slopes, Joey and Tristan were off to the side of the run...in line with the rest of the lesson group...ten toddlers with balloons attached to their hats.

"Good one Tristan. These little brats ski better than us!" Joey commented as he watched one of the tikes whoosh by in the inverted "v" better known as the 'snowplow' technique.

"Look at the bright side. We have a great looking teacher. We're trying to score points with her, remember?"

"Can't score points with no balls." Joey commented then watched as Angelica showed the group by example once again. Her curves accentuated as she leaned into gentle carving turns. "You're right Tris...great lookin' teacher."

Suddenly, a great looking skier traversed at high speed before them. The skier suddenly stopped, sliding to an immediate halt much like a hockey player. *Can't be!!! But it is! Joey and Tristan!* the skier thought as he removed his goggles for a better look at the two overtall toddlers in the ski class.

Tristan whacked Joey from his fantasy with the ski instructor. "Hey, that cool skier stopped below us and is staring at us."

"He is, who?!" 

Both strained their eyes to try and get a better look at the skier. Both nearly dropped upon recognizing him. "NO FREAKIN' WAY! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE!?" Joey exclaimed.

"How'd he learn to ski like that? I mean, they don't have snow right? I mean look at Yami and Bakura...not overly fond of snow and cold. So what's this guy's story."

"Got me, but I'm gonna find out." Joey said as he took a page from the toddlers' book and began to snowplow down to the awaiting skier.

Back in the resort convention center, Grandpa Motou and Professor Hopkins took a seat for the latest speaker. This particular speaker just happened to be speaking on the _exact_ subject of their studies...Duel Monsters and how it related to Ancient Egypt. They were most curious on how this particular person theorized and correlated the two. Both elder men had their own theories, but were laughed at by the majority of scientists, anthropologists, and archaeologists. And yet, here was a person willing to give a large discussion on it in public! Perhaps there was new information on their theories? They couldn't wait to find out! Apparently many others were interested as well or just wanted to chastise the speaker as the room quickly filled to capacity.

to be continued... 


	5. It's Time toSki!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 5**

As Tea and Rebecca returned to the lodge for some hot chocolate, Yugi joined them, but he felt extremely awkward being outnumbered by females, especially one that kept googling over him, excused himself. He was going to find the game room where he could play some arcade games. As he passed the pool room, he stopped short. He could've sworn he saw a flash of lengthy white hair!

*Hmm, could that be...Bakura? Nah...gotta be Yami's paranoia kicking in.* Yugi thought as he shrugged and prepared to go on his way. But, upon hearing that particular name in Yugi's mind, Yami immediately stirred.

//Aibou, did you say Bakura's in there?//

/Yes. And I was right, you _are_ paranoid!/ Yugi replied with a giggle as he stepped back for a better view, which was rather difficult seeing how the most windows were steamed over. Yugi managed however to find a clear line of sight. /Let's see, in a jacuzzi with one,two...no, _three_ women who are feeding him what looks like grapes and a glass of wine or champagne. Why are you so interested in Bakura's business?/ Yugi teased.

//Oh. No matter.// Yami blandly replied.

Yugi chuckled. It WAS a matter. The pharaoh was a terrible liar! Yugi continued on his way towards the game room. /You're jealous!/ Yugi teased.

//Am most assuredly not!//

/Oh yes you are. Bakura's being treated like a king in there!/

The thought of the term 'king' with the name Bakura in the same sentence immediately sent venom into the pharaoh's voice. //He's NO king.// Yami sternly corrected.

/Sorry Yami, my bad./ Yugi half giggled

//It's not funny aibou.//

/Yes Yami, it is./

Yami said nothing, sometimes even Yugi could be an unsupportive annoyance.

After hearing nothing but silence for many seconds, Yugi figured the spirit had returned to whatever it was he was doing (likely pouting in his soul room) before Yugi mentioned the thief's name. So, he continued onward to the game room.

On the slopes...

Joey slowly wedged downward, fighting his own legs that wished to go in opposite directions. Tristan, not wanted to be left alone, followed suit. Eventually they reached the other skier.

"Took you two long enough." the other skier mocked.

"What are YOU doing here?"

The other skier looked at his skis and poles. "I guess I'm skiing. What are you doing here?"

Joey growled. He hated when people stated the obvious. "I'm not that dumb."

"I hadn't noticed."

Tristan nudged forward in case he had to restrain his friend, but it turned out the skis on Joey's feet did that for him. As Joey's hand balled into a fist with ski pole still attached, his feet forgot they were attached to two long boards.

"Uh, Joey?" the other skier said with a little concern in his voice. He enjoyed riling two, especially Joey, but they were also friends.

It was too late. Joey tried to launch, failed completely and ended up spread eagle on the cold snow.

"Uh Joey...I don't think getting intimate with the trail is going to make you a better skier." Tristan laughed. The other skier joined him. Joey was indeed in a rather compromising (and uncomfortable) position.

"Ha Ha. Not funny. Now help me outta this mess!" Joey exclaimed as he suddenly realized he could do little on his own.

"It's simple Joey. Push back with your arms. Wedge yourself up, upper body first."

"Easy for you to say. That'll put me in a split."

"You have little choice. The grade of the hill and direction of your fall gives you little option as to how to position yourself." the experienced skier commented.

"That's gonna hurt." Tristan threw in.

"No shit Sherlock." Joey spat back.

"After this I guess you won't be getting lucky with a lady anytime soon. Well, more for me." Tristan taunted.

"Hey Tris--"

"Yeah?"

"I'd start skiing if I were you. You'll need a head start. Because once I'm outta this mess, I'm gonna---"

"Okay, now let's not get that far you two." the other skier interrupted. He really didn't want to see a cat brawl with two doofballs in the middle of a sport both sucked at.

After several very long minutes and wincing pain, Joey eventually righted himself and stood. Brushing snow off himself, he quickly returned to his original question to the skier. "Exactly why are you here again and don't you dare give me that skiing answer again."

"The archaeological convention. My sister's a speaker. I don't wish to get in her way and I find the subject a bit repetitive due to my upbringing so I decided to take in the sights and sounds of the rest of this place."

"Well that explains part of it."

"Just part?"

"How'd you learn to ski like that?"

"Oh, that...heheh, well, funniest thing happened on my wanderings through the desert one day..."

"Ha Ha."

"My sister has been doing a lot of speeches and lectures in Europe. I had to find things to do. I kept seeing people walking about carrying long boards. I asked one about it, he described the sport as skiing and told me where to go to experience it and well, that was it...I was hooked."

"I guess we can believe you. But I gotta ask...if you were looking for something to do, why not sample all the varieties of women in Europe? It's always something I've wanted to do, but I know I'll never tour Europe so..." Joey trailed.

"Sis had a VERY strict rule...under no circumstances was I to engage in intimate relations with the local females. Punishment for such would've meant castration for me."

"But then your line would die out wouldn't it?"

"Sis says that since the pharaoh is awake now, our line has technically been released of its duties. There would be no need for an 'heir.' Therefore, my private parts can come under threat."

Joey and Tristan cringed. "You've got a mean sis there." Joey replied.

"Nah, just an overly protective one who knows how to control a male."

"She'd be perfect for Kaiba!" Joey squealed.

"You should tell the pharaoh about your sis's potential punishments. I bet Yami would find it fascinating that your private parts are no longer of use thanks to his resurrection." Tristan added.

"Yami, err, Yugi's here?"

"Yeah, we're all here. Tea's with Rebecca, somewhere doing whatever girls do. Yugi and Ryou went off somewhere together, though they were Yami and Bakura when we saw them leave." Joey continued.

"The thief with the pharaoh!? You sure that was wise?"

"No, but this way they can work out the tension and whatever else is up their butts without the rest of us getting into trouble with them."

"This I've gotta see. Mind if I hang with all of you?"

"You willing to teach Tris and I the finer points of this sport?"

"Sure."

"Then it's a deal."

Meanwhile, Yugi, having bested several games now, was growing bored. He yawned and headed for the hotel room. Once there, Yami quickly summoned the boy. //Aibou?//

/Yes Yami?/

//Would you like to switch?//

/Very much. Otherwise, I might do something we'd both regret...listen to speeches in that convention./

//Yes. It is best we switch then. I will save us both from unnecessary torment and boredom!// Yami hailed in heroic fashion.

Both boys got a laugh out of that.

Concentrating once again, the two boys switched places. Yami looked about for a moment, but he knew his plan of action. He grabbed the heavy ski jacket, goggles, and gloves and headed for the pool area.

"Bakura, your presence is requested." Yami commanded flatly.

"Request denied." Bakura smirked back. He saw the winter gear the pharaoh was carrying. There was no way he would give up his toasty soaking for cold, wet snow again.

"Let me put it another way. It's not a request. It's an order."

"From whom?" Bakura asked in sarcastic innocence. He knew Yami couldn't say 'king' in front of others. But even if he had, Bakura had never followed the orders of a pharaoh before and he wasn't about to start now.

Yami ignored him and went to phase two. "Hello ladies, excuse my intrusion, but this man is a thief. Perhaps I shall inform your parents that you are in the company of a thief and scoundrel?"

Bakura spat the wine he'd just put into his mouth. "Is there something wrong with your eyes Yami!? These are women, not girls. They even have wine!"

Yami shook his head. "They are wealthy girls, high school age. They 'borrowed' the wine from their parents' stash, correct?" Yami asked the ladies within the jacuzzi.

Slowly they nodded.

Yami then returned his gaze upon the tomb robber. "Slopes, NOW." he demanded.

Bakura lept out of the jacuzzi. He was famaliar with the modern day rules about fraternizing with minors. He wanted proof of Yami's claim, especially since if the ancient ruler was correct, the thief would end up dragged back into the cold. Yami showed Bakura one of the girls' ID cards he noticed on the table as he entered. It was a high school id from some prestigious private school. Bakura muttered a string of ancient Egyptian curse words before responding to the debate winner. He stood side by side to the former pharaoh and spoke into his ear so that the ladies could not hear their conversation. "Fine king, have it your way. Allow me to return to my room to get warmer attire." he muttered softly as he picked up his clothing and wrapped a towel about himself. Yami's grin was like that of the cheshire cat.

pharaoh-4 thief-2

Yami followed the tomb robber back to his room. He didn't trust the thief afterall.

"Must you follow me like some lost puppy?"

"You have that reversed. I am not whining like you are."

"Tsch!" Bakura spat as he entered his room, got his warmer attire, and headed back out of the room...with Yami in tow.

As they exited the elevator on the main floor, they ran into Rebecca and Tea who were just about to go into them.

"Well hello you two. Still alive eh?" Tea joked.

"Say your last words to the pharaoh here because he won't be coming back after this."

"Now, now. Play nice you two." Tea said, ignoring the thief's threats.

Yami yanked the thief away without a word.

"Are they going to be okay?" Rebecca asked as she watched the two depart. She was concerned for Yugi.

"Don't worry. Yami won't let anything get out of hand. He may hate the thief, but he plays by a specific set of rules. He won't let the thief cross them either. He's also very protective of Yugi. No harm will come to them. And Bakura needs Ryou so he'll also keep in check. It's all one big game of 'one-up'"

"How can you be so sure? They seem like they are at each other's throats."

"It's all show."

"Like in the wild, males sizing each other up for a domination match?"

"Something like that. Like you said Rebecca, men and penises."

"Who would've thought those two would stoop to such a level though."

"Not getting laid for over 3000 years probably does something to a guy. Besides, they're still young, virile males influenced by the hormones of the bodies they share with Yugi and Ryou. They're gonna compete whether they are aware of it or not." Tea joked as the two ladies giggled.

Yami led Bakura to the ticket counter where the two acquired lift tickets and rental coupons.

"You're kidding!" Bakura moaned as Yami handed him a lift ticket and rental coupon.

"Well, this is a ski resort. We may as well see who will master this sport first." Yami remarked as they walked towards the rental shop to get their equipment. In moments they were outdoors preparing to hit the slopes. Bakura was the first to get his ski boots on. He then tried to take a step...he fell flat on his face! Yami broke out laughing before he realized that he was in the same situation. The boots were stiff and prevented any motion of one's ankles.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Bakura hissed as he tried to figure out the boots. "These are boots right? Why can't I walk?"

"Stiff. Apparently a necessity in this sport. Limited lower leg movement must enhance the performance of the skis."

"Damn things." Bakura said as he crawled to his skis. He stood and clipped the boots into the skis.

Yami did the same. He slid the skis back and forth a couple of times to get a feel for them. It seemed easy enough.

"Fine, let's go." Bakura said as he grabbed his poles and looked at the pharaoh. He'd let the pharaoh make the first move in case there was yet another embarrassment to be had.

"Uh, right." Yami jabbed the poles in the snow, but forward motion seemed difficult. "These skis are designed for downhill. So, how are we supposed to move on flat?" Yami pondered as he realized that the stiff boots being locked into the skis gave no motion whatsoever.

Two little kids skated by on their skies.

"Apparently that is how." Bakura said as he watched the two boys head for the chairlift.

"You first thief." Yami smirked.

"You're the king. You go first oh mighty highness." Bakura shot back.

Yami growled. There were times he hated being reminded of that.

_to be continued..._


	6. Dare to be STUPID!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 6**

Yami watched how others moved about very carefully. He actually noticed two techniques for moving on flat land with downhill skis. One, was like that of cross country skiing, only your boots did not release off the back. It took considerably more effort than the skating technique, but Yami figured it was the easiest to master. Using his poles, Yami began to 'stroke' with poles then skis, much like a cross country skier.

"Hey! Wait for me you pathetic excuse for a king!" Bakura yelled as he tried the same technique, but leaned off balance on one pole and toppled over, thus falling on his side.

Yami halted and looked back. He did not know how to turn around on flat and he wasn't going to spare the effort for the tomb robber. "Well, come now. It's not time to rest." Yami teased.

Bakura continued ranting curse words in every language he knew as he tried to figure out how to stand with long boards attached to his feet. It was harder than it looked. And, there was no way to release his boots from the bindings since he needed to apply pressure from the rear with a pole. He could not apply enough pressure with the binding sideways. He had to get up on the skis, somehow. "I can't get up you dolt!"

Yami considered turning back to him again. But, again, it just seemed too much effort. Then, he saw other skiers removing their skis using their poles in the rear of the binding. Sure enough, when Yami applied pressure with his pole to the back of the bindings, they released. He left his skis and walked over to the thief. But, his gait was like that of a robot...stiff and jaunty...hardly the smooth, dignified gait he was accostomed to.

"Heheheh, you walk funny king." Bakura laughed as he watched the strange walking style of the pharaoh.

"Do you want me to help you or not?"

"Not really, but I have little choice in the matter."

Yami turned to go back to his skis. He was toying with the thief. Naturally he was going to help the thief. If he didn't, the thief wouldn't be joining him on the downhill portion of this little ordeal. But, he didn't want Bakura to think that.

"Hey! You aren't going to leave me here are you?" Bakura asked, a hint of desperation snuck into his voice. What he couldn't see is the smirk of amusement upon Yami's face. The young ruler stopped for a moment, thought...then took another step towards his skis.

"C'mon man, be a hero, help a downed man."

Yami just loved it when the thief whined! He stopped again and turned to face Bakura. His grin was like that of a cat who just caught a stubborn mouse. "Fine thief. So be it." Yami replied smugly as he returned to the thief. He held out his hands for the thief to grab and yanked him upward. "You settled now?" Yami asked as the thief fuddled with his poles.

"Yes, mother."

"I could tip you right back down you know."

Bakura replied with a nasty look. "You wouldn't."

"I could."

"But you wouldn't."

"You want to try me thief? If you fall again, I'm NOT helping you up. You can lay there and freeze your pathetic little ass off."

Bakura remained silent.

Pharaoh-5 Thief-2

After a slow, agonizing trudge that took them nearly a half hour to cover the length of two houses, the two reached the lift line and stood quietly side-by-side as they awaited their turn at a chair. When that time came, both went forward to the line and awaited the chair to come to them, but the seemingly lumbering chair was faster than it looked. Bakura panicked as the chair approached. He grabbed the chair, but his skis swung sidewards and tripped up Yami. Knowing the chair was still moving, Yami remained flat on his belly, allowing the chair...and thief to pass over him. The lift attendent quickly stopped the lift then helped the fallen skier...all the while, Bakura, looking back from his chair, laughing as the pharaoh laid flat, spread eagle on his face.

Pharaoh-5 Thief-3

Yami got on the next chair and could hear Bakura's laugh in front of him. Luckily there was too great a distance between them. Yami could basically ignore him during the long ride to the top of the mountain. He brushed the offending snow from his face and body then simply enjoyed the effortless, scenic ride up the mountain.

The tranquil trip up the mountain was too much for the thief however. He easily became bored looking at trees and just sitting still. So, whenever a skier went down the trail beneath the ski lift, he made some remark down at him or her. When one crashed, Bakura hooted and hollered, urging the skier to get up and crash again. This was Bakura's amusement. Yami rolled his eyes. There was seemingly no end to the thief's thirst for trouble and mayhem!

Once at the top, it was time to release off the chair and down the ramp to trail. This was the first 'downhill' experience for both of them. It caught Bakura completely off guard! He thought they'd exit as they got on...nice flat, smooth ground. He had no chioce, as his chair began over the ramp, Bakura planted his skis and pushed off from the chair. This sent him careening down the short ramp that seemed so long to the thief. The downhill sensation was too strange and awkward for the tomb robber. He lost balance and tumbled the rest of the way down the ramp and came to a complete stop in a tangle of body and equipment below.

Yami was next. The lift attendent couldn't stop the lift in time to prevent Yami from disembarking. Yami rolled off the chair, in the same manner as the thief, but figured he could handle the short downhill ramp. Sadly, however, he didn't factor in one thief in a heap at the bottom! Unable to stop, he smacked right into the pile of thief and flipped over him, thus landing in a royal heap on the other side of the tomb robber. Bakura's bitching turned to laughter at the spectacle he caused. It was the pharaoh's time to utter some choice ancient swear words.

Pharaoh-5 Thief-4 (catchin' up without even tryin'!)

After several minutes and much more bitching and cursing, the two ancient Egyptians finally untangled and righted themselves to an upright standing position. Casually flicking snow off themselves as if nothing had happened, the two glided towards a trail with a big green circle sign at its entrance.

"Green circles are the easiest trails." Yami remarked as he checked his pocket trail map and looked at the key to the various symbols they'd encounter.

"Then let's try something a bit more challenging." the thief spat.

Yami looked at him dumbfounded. Was the thief really that stupid!? They couldn't even get on and off the chairlift properly and the thief wanted a challenge!

"Don't you think staying upright on your skis as you go down is challenge enough?"

"I will NOT be mocked by children! I will go down this...this black diamond one. Black suits me better anyway." Bakura said as he pointed towards a different trail.

Yami checked his map's key. Black diamonds meant, 'most difficult-expert only.' "I don't think that's wise Bakura."

"You chicken?"

"Of course not. But, this trail is for experts only. We're hardly what you call experts."

"Can't be an expert unless one tries."

Yami came to the conclusion that the thief was indeed deluded and insane! But, his own natural sense of caring and competitiveness overrode even the king's own common sense. If the tomb robber was going to go down that trail, the pharaoh would have to follow. What if something happened? Two heads were better than one.

"Yugi and Ryou are going to kick our asses if we harm their bodies Bakura." Yami commented, if only to try to persuade the thief away from the expert trail.

"Don't care."

"You need Ryou's body as much as I need Yugi's."

"Still dont' care. I'm not going to be insulted. If I'm going to make a fool of myself on these boards then I'm going to do so on a respectable trail...not some beginner's slope."

Maybe the thief had a point there. Even the pharaoh found that to make sense. He too, had a certain level of pride and ego to maintain. And, if the thief was focused on the trail and his own skiing, maybe he wouldn't pull any crap...at least Yami hoped as much. "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."

Bakura said nothing, but plodded towards the trail of choice. He stopped at the beginning of it, his ski tips hanging in mid air as the trail dropped in a very steep angle. Yami caught up to him and did the same. He didn't like what he saw. The trail was steep and there were strange mounds all over the trail. It wasn't smooth like the others. Yami identified the bumps on the trail map and found their name...moguls. Worse yet, the moguls were tall, well above even Bakura's waistline. "Bakura, this isn't a good idea."

"I don't do _good_ things anyway."

"Allow me to rephrase. This is a STUPID idea!"

"No balls king?" Bakura taunted.

There was no changing course. Bakura was stubbornly sticking to his choice. Yami silently prayed to Ra as he watched Bakura enter the trail. In a split second, Yami followed. If he hesitated, he knew his mind would talk him out of it.

The moguls proved a blessing. It prevented the two from careening straight down the hill at extremely high velocities. Bakura had smacked straight into one and was flung into the air, crashing onto the next one. Yami had to chuckle despite himself. A flailing thief, helpless in midair was a very funny spectacle! But, the amusement was short-lived. Yami had his own skiing to attend to. He'd been sliding down the trail at a snail's pace when suddenly, moguls blocked his 'safe' path. He had figure out how to either go over or around them. Unable to turn tightly, he opted to go over one...and smacked right into the next, just as Bakura did. Like Bakura, he was sent flying into the air, though not quite as high or uncontrolled as he wasn't quite going as fast as Bakura was. An eerie silence replaced their scraping and moaning.

"Bakura, you dead yet?" Yami asked, breaking the silence.

A string of curse words were his answer.

"Guess not." Yami said to himself as he tried to figure out how to get up. He'd lost a ski...which was now resting over a body's length away. A pole was resting on the next mogul. And, one of Bakura's skis was seen nearby. "Hey thief...you missing parts?"

"Depends on definition of parts."

Yami didn't know how to respond to that. Picking up his own gear and using a mogul to balance himself, Yami managed to right himself back onto his skis. He grabbed Bakura's ski...hat...glove...and eventually made his way to the thief, who was doing battle with a small pine tree. From Yami's perspective it looked like some kinky sex scene.

"I didn't know you had a thing for plants thief." Yami teased as he unclipped his own skis so he could help the thief out of his ordeal. The thief said nothing as Yami approached. "Oooh, nice pine smell. That's better than your usual stench." Yami commented.

"You need to shut up king before I shove one of these branches up your own ass!"

Yami ignored him and started to pry thief from shrubbery. "You've hurt this tree." Yami replied as the young pine tree was sporting so many broken branches.

"Tsch! The king cares more about a plant than a person!?"

"You're a person? Hadn't noticed."

Bakura shook one of the branches in response, causing a fluff of snow to fly downward onto the pharaoh.

"Ooooh, snow...yeah, I'm scared." Yami replied sarcastcially. He then gave the thief one big tug. It released Bakura and sent both of them backwards into the snow back first. The tomb robber landed on top of the pharaoh.

"Umpf, get off of me you son of a hippo!"

"Takes one to know one." Bakura snorted back as he rolled off the king.

"Yeah I know one...YOU!" Yami replied as he stood, brushed off more of the offending cold snow and walked back to his own ski equipment.

"You callin' me a hippo?! Cause if you are, I'll make you eat those words...shorty."

"What's the matter? Run out of insults thief? I am short. So what."

Bakura growled as he fuddled with his ski equipment. "Let's finish this like men shall we?"

"I'm game."

"A duel of sorts...you and me, down this damnable trail. First one down wins and has to bow down acknowledging the other as master of insults."

"I bow down to no one."

"Then for your sake king...you'd better win." Bakura replied with narrowed eyes and evil grin.

"I never lose."

"Then prove it."

"I will."

The two set themselves up atop a mogul. "When that chair with the hot pink jacketed chick reaches the next rollers, we begin." Bakura said.

Yami nodded and both watched the girl sitting on the chair with one really bright jacket. Upon her chair reaching the rollers, both launched off the mogul. Neither really knew how to get down, only that one had to beat the other. Both also threw all caution to the wind. As they struggled to get down with a higher speed then common sense would dictate, neither noticed how close to the trail edge they were. On the sides were loads of trees and ditches as the trail had been built up, groomed down, then built up again. As the two hit the same mogul at the same time, they were airborne. They hit each other in mid air and both careened off the trail. Yami grabbed and hugged a tree, thus stopping his fall back to earth. Bakura...well, one minute the king saw him, and the next minute he didn't as the thief made his landing in a ditch below with the sounds of many crunching branches and ancient egyptian curse words. In another moment, all was silent.

From his perch, Yami strained for a better view. He was not about to let go of the tree, especially with his left leg throbbing terribly. "Hey Bakura, you dead?" he yelled below.

"Yeah. I'm dead you DOLT! I think I broke something...probably a leg. Not sure...too tangled up to tell where all my parts are!"

"My leg's sore too. I may have done the same. I can't get out of this tree though."

"So, we're both stuck and with broken bones no less. Y'know, I really do hate you king."

"The feeling's mutual thief."

More silence passed as the two failed to get past their little issue with one another...until Yami broke the silence once again. "Look, we're both going to be in serious danger if we don't get out of this situation. If bones are broken, we could go into shock...and freeze to death even faster."

"Drop out of that tree then. Wouldn't do any more harm to break a few more bones right?"

"Same goes for you. Why don't you climb out of that ditch?"

Both growled in frustration as they reached an impasse once again.

Luckily, good fortune was on their side. Having been gone for some time and missing the scheduled meal meet time, their friends became worried and decided to search for them. They knew the two had skis. After asking each lift attendent if they'd seen two dark skinned egyptians bumbling around on skis, they found which lift the two had taken up the mountain. From there, Marik would comb the difficult trails while Rebecca and Tea donned skis and could ski at least better than Joey and Tristan, would check the beginner trails.

Marik stopped at the top of the black diamond trail. *They wouldn't be stupid enough to try this trail would they?* He asked himself. Then, thinking about the pride and egos of those two, he knew his answer. Slowly, but expertly, he navigated down the trail, stopping now and then to get a good view of what was around him. Half way down the trail, he spotted what he thought was a bear in a tree. As he skied closer, he noticed it was a skier.

"Hey you in the tree, do you need help?" he yelled at the being in the tree above him.

"Marik? Okay, I'm hallucinating. Bakura, you rat, we've been here too long! I'm hearing Marik!" Yami yelled down to the ditch below.

"Sniffin them pine needles are we?" was the reply back.

Marik had to laugh despite the serious predicament the two were in. "No Yami, it really is me. I'm here with my sister who's speaking at that convention. What are you doing in the tree pharaoh?"

"Thought I'd take Bakura's advice and have a little tree sex. What do you think!?" Yami shot back with anger in his voice. The pain from his leg was getting to him.

"And that you down there Bakura?" Marik asked as he leaned forward as close to the ditch as he could get. He saw a bundle resting up against a tree.

"No, it's a fluffy bunny hopping down your damn bunny trail." was Bakura's sarcastic reply. The pain was also getting to him.

Marik didn't reply. Instead, he pulled out a cell phone. "Tea, yeah, it's Marik...I found them. No, no they're not all right. Both are stuck. One in a tree another in a ditch and both apparently hurt. Yes, yes, do get the ski medics. Tell them to bring two sleds to the trail called, 'Hell's Froze Over." I'll stay with them until the medics arrive. Thanks." Marik then put his cell phone away and unhitched his skis. He stuck them tail first into the snow and formed an 'X' with them to signal to the medics where they were.

"Help's on the way you two. Hang in there...ooops sorry pharaoh...didn't mean to...well---"

"Just shut up!" both thief and king replied back in unison. They were cold, humiliated, and in extreme pain. They didn't need a talkative tomb keeper adding annoyed to that list.

Minutes later, the ski medics arrived on snowmobiles with sleds attached. Two went down to assist Bakura while two others with ropes climbed neighboring trees to help Yami. Marik watched and stood with another medic on the trail.

"I don't know how these two ended up this way. I arrived much later. They're friends of mine."

The two medics yelled up from the ditch. "This one's got a broken right leg and arm. Inform base that we'll need the helo warmed up on stand by."

Then the two reported from the trees. "We've got another broken leg here...left one. Maybe other injuries. Won't be able to tell until he's out of the tree."

Marik called Tea back on the cell phone. "Tea, hey, get whomever you came with and have them meet you at the medic lodge. These two will be headed to the hospital via helicopter once they get them down from here. Both apparently have broken legs. I'll meet you all there as well."

As Marik got off the cell phone, the two medics from the ditch had a protesting angry Bakura strapped to a sled and were attaching it to a snowmobile. The two in the tree were slowly lowering Yami down with ropes. Then, like Bakura, he was strapped into another sled and attached to the back of a snowmobile. The medics then gave Marik some instructions as to where to go and meet them and sped off with their injured, still cursing skiers in tow.

Marik grabbed his skis, put them on and whisked down the trail as a true expert would. He skied straight for the lodge where they had all met for a meal. Joey and Tristan were still there an needed to be informed.

"You're kidding right?!" Joey replied, stunned after hearing the news.

"I wish I was. Let's head over there now. Tea and Rebecca should be at the convention getting Yugi's grandfather and Rebecca's grandfather as we speak."

And with that, all were now headed towards the medical lodge to check on the two injured young men.

to be continued... 


	7. Ouch!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 7**

It didn't take long for the entire group, including the two grandfathers to reach the medical lodge. While in there, the medics were tending to their two newest patients. Yami and Bakura were both feeling the full extent of their injuries once they began to thaw out.

In dire pain, Bakura still didn't miss a beat when an opportunity presented itself. A young, pretty ski medic was tending to him.

"Does it hurt here?" she asked kindly as she checked all portions of his legs.

"I know how you could make all the hurt go away." Bakura purred. Yami, who was on a stretcher within reach of the thief smacked him in the face with a glove he still had in his possession.

"Now that wasn't nice." Bakura said as he spat pine needles that came off of Yami's glove. He then turned his attention back to the lovely ski medic. "Could you move him or turn him the other way or something. He's bothering me."

"Pathetic excuse for an egyptian." Yami muttered as he heard Bakura's request.

Bakura stuck his tongue out at the king. Yami rolled his eyes. But neither got their way. Yami was not moved and the pretty ski medic found other tasks to deal with.

After a moment, Yami was pondering the ordeal and remembered the challenge he had made with the thief. "Hey Bakura...do you remember whose sled exited the trail first?"

Bakura suddenly remembered the deal too. "Mine naturally. I won."

"Wait, no...we didn't get down on our own."

"We didn't make any restrictions as to how we got down...only that whomever was the first. You will bow down to me."

"Your sled didn't exit first. It had to stop because you threw a ski pole off the thing. They had to stop and pick it up. My sled then passed yours."

Bakura growled. He wasn't really sure whose sled exited first. "Look neither of us can remember."

"Then let's forget it then."

"And miss a chance to see a king like you bow to me...never."

"Then we'll come up with another challenge another day?"

"So be it. We'll--YYYYYEEEEEEOOOOWWWW! Damn wench, that hurt!" Bakura yelped as the female medic returned and was trying to remove Bakura's jacket so they could get to his broken arm.

The ski medic looked at him funny. Wench? She hadn't ever heard that term before.

Before more antics could continue, the others were allowed into the room where Yami and Bakura were being tended to.

Grandpa Motou looked extremely upset and disappointed. He walked over to the pharaoh. "I thought you, of all people, would know better. " Yami looked away. Gramps was right and he couldn't say a single thing to defend himself.

Rebecca was crying and her grandfather was trying to calm her down. "He hurt my darling!" she kept saying.

Yami suddenly realized that he needed to consult Yugi. //Aibou? AIBOU! You hear me?//

With a deep, long yawn, Yugi awoke. /Huh? Yami? You wanna switch already?/

//No. We mustn't. You were asleep the whole time?//

/Whole time of what?/

//Uh, well, long story.//

Yugi, more awake, was suddenly wondering why the pharaoh was nervous. /What'd you do?/

//Uh...tried skiing?//

/What do you mean by tried?/

//Didn't quite succeed aibou. I'm sorry.//

/Sorry!? Okay Yami, spill it, what'd you do!?/

//Crashed. Not well on your body either. Maybe a broken leg and from what I can tell, many other sore spots.//

/You crashed!? You didn't take lessons first? How'd you crash?/

//In a tree.//

/How'd you get in a--wait, nevermind, I don't even want to know. Well, since you're in charge of my body, you'll have to deal with its healing...at least til we get home. We can't very well change appearances with everyone tending to us now can we?/

//I suppose not. I'm terribly sorry aibou.//

/We'll discuss this another time. Deal with whomever's tending to us for now./ Yugi replied as he faded out. Like his grandfather, he was a bit disappointed in the pharaoh's recklessness.

Two medics were feeling areas of Yami's body and constantly asking if it hurt. Once at his ribs, Yami lashed out with a flailing arm as a medic gently pressed on a portion of his rib cage. Possible broken ribs were also noted. More feeling. Yami tried to protest when they reached his groin area, but suddenly realized that region hurt just like his ribs! Possible groin injury was also noted. The last grasp of pain was indeed his leg. The pharaoh winced. He was more injured than he thought himself to be.

In the neighboring bed, the thief had to be restrained with straps upon his unbroken leg and arm. They seriously considered taping his mouth as well, but thought against it as they wouldn't know what hurt with his arm and leg strapped and mouth taped. Broken leg and arm as well as bruised spine were Bakura's diagnosis. Both would be spending at least a week in the hospital as a result. Their broken bones had to be set and no weight could be placed upon them or the other bruised areas for several days. They would be completely bedridden for at least two days.

Everyone was silent as they were transported from the ski resort to the nearby hospital in the city. Tea tried several times to console the aching pharaoh, but Yami was unresponsive as guilt and pain dominated his thoughts. Once in the hospital, the two were admitted. While the doctors performed many tests, etc. with the two patients, the others went to the cafeteria for a brief meal. None had eaten all day as a result of the little ordeal with the two ancient egyptians.

"So, we'll be here another few days." Joey asked solemnly. He HAD to break the silence! It was driving him nuts!

"Seems that way Joey." Grandpa Motou replied.

"What do you supposed really happened?" Joey continued.

"My guess is the two got a bit overconfident, cocky, and challenged each other, not paying attention or caring about where this challenge occurred." Grandpa continued.

"That doesn't sound like Yami at all. The thief, perhaps, but Yami?" Tea added.

"The pharaoh can be persuaded if the right elements are present. Bakura knows exactly which buttons to push to get the pharaoh into a situation he will not back down from. Yami is an intelligent, wise young man, but he's still just that...a YOUNG man. He will on occasion, make a careless or reckless choice if the conditions are suitable. Games are all about chance and risk. Yami will push his limits to seek what's beyond. It's in his nature."

"I wonder what Yugi and Ryou think about the situation right now." Tristan threw in.

"I don't think I'd even want to know. I bet those two will make sure they their ancient egyptian counterparts get an earful. They can't escape afterall." Tea replied.

"And they have to deal with this food too." Joey threw in. He was famished, but somehow the hospital food just was NOT helping at all.

"Heheh, that's worthy punishment right there." Tristan laughed.

After a couple of hours, Marik soon joined them in the cafeteria.

"Just heard from the doctors. The tests and castings are complete. Yami and Bakura have been moved into a room." Marik replied.

"A room? As in the same room?" Joey asked.

Marik nodded. "Not much choice I'm afraid. They want to keep those two together seeing how they are 'friends' and all."

Joey and Tristan's jaws dropped. "Friends?"

"I think it will be all right. Those two will have other things to contend with and limited mobility. Perhaps they'll even learn to work out their differences in a more mature manner." Grandpa Motou answered.

Both Tea and Rebecca exchanged worried looks.

"But Bakura's a nut." Tristan slid in.

"Both Bakura and Yami will be heavily drugged for a couple of days plus under survelliance. If either tries anything, I'm sure nurses have ways of keeping unruly boys in line." Grandpa reassured.

"Shall we see them now?" Tea asked as that was the whole point Marik had returned.

All got up as Joey wolfed down a couple more rolls. The food wasn't the greatest, but if he could chow down in quantity, at least his stomach might stop growling.

In the room, both Yami and Bakura were sedated and resting as the others entered.

"They look like modern mummies. It somehow seems...fitting." Joey remarked as he noticed all the casts, wrappings, and wires hooked up to the two egyptians.

Yami pried an eye open upon hearing his friend's voice. Tea walked over to his bedside. "How're you feeling?"

Yami breathed roughly and spoke slowly. "Tired. They gave me something didn't they?"

Tea nodded. "Do you hurt?"

"Amazingly...no."

"Probably sedatives and pain killers then. Rest now Yami." Tea said as she brushed his spikey bangs with a hand then returned to the others.

Meanwhile, Bakura was also awakening somewhat. But he was more heavily sedated than the pharaoh was. "What...poked..."

"Rest Bakura. No need to try to fight it." Grandpa replied calmly as he tried to prevent the thief from harming himself or anyone else by fighting the effects of the drugs in his system. It was obvious the tomb robber was extremely upset and angry still.

"There's little we can do for them right now. We'll return to the resort and let them rest for the night." Grandpa replied.

The others nodded.

"We'll see you two tomorrow. Behave yourselves and do as you're asked to." Grandpa Motou told both groggy young men.

"Yeah, and be sure to tell me all about the pretty nurses too, got that." Joey said before he was dragged out of the room by his ear being pulled by Tea.

After many hours, the sedatives wore off and the two awoke, feeling hungry.

"You dead yet king?"

"They have more tubes in me than I have entrances. How is that possible?" Yami moaned.

"Guess not. Too bad. You're not alone. I have tubes in places I don't even allow women to go."

"Don't you even dare elaborate thief." Yami winced. He didn't want the mental image of the thief in some kinky sex romp.

"How do we get food in this damn everything's white place?"

Yami strained to turn and look around himself as best he could. "Gotta be a button or something."

Bakura looked for buttons. He found some on the bed rail. He started randomly pushing them. He also started screaming in pain as the bed contorted up and down at his feet and head.

Yami grinned. "Thank you thief. You saved me some pain. I was about to try those myself. Those apparently aren't it, but your yelling should draw some attention."

Bakura continue to rant in modern obscenities as well as ancient egyptian.

Soon, a nurse came rushing in.

"What is the meaning of---" she started as she saw the thief with the bed cocked up on both foot and head thus squishing himself in a 'u'-like fashion. She immediately adjusted the bed back down to its flattened position. Yami smirked in amusement as the nurse struggled with the upset thief.

Once all was settled and the thief stopped his bitch n moan fest, the nurse asked if there was anything they needed.

"Pull the tube out of my dick so I can pee in dignity." was the first request from the very grumpy thief.

Yami winced. Suddenly he realized that the thief wasn't the only one with that problem.

"You are not allowed to leave the bed for 36 hours. Therefore, that will allow you to relieve yourself without a need to get up or move." the nurse answered calmly. It was standard procedure for bedridden patients afterall. But...it was totally foreign to the two ancient egyptians.

Bakura changed his demeanor to a more soft, mature manner. "Why not pull the tube out and I'll call you when I feel the need. Then I'll allow you the priviledge of assisting me in the matter."

Yami rolled his eyes. Even in their present situation, the thief couldn't resist some come-on line and his ego was off the scale.

"How about the tube remains and here's a bed pan for solid waste." the nurse replied in response to the thief's advances. She'd dealt with worse issues than one grumpy, sex driven young man.

Yami snickered. Perhaps some of these nurses could lock horns with the thief and put him in his place!

Bakura heard the pharaoh's snicker. He would get him for that...once the nurse left.

"Excuse me, ma'am? What my 'friend' has failed to inform you about is the fact that we are both hungry. Is there any chance we may be able to have some nourishment?" Yami politely inquired.

"Sure. We are past dinner, but I can get something for you."

"Gimme a steak...bloody with lots of gravy." Bakura shot in.

The nurse almost looked horrified! "Uh, no...how about a nice bowl of Wheaties?"

"Fiber...oh, you want me to try out that bed pan you gave me don't you?" Bakura replied back sarcastically.

"Whatever you can get us will be fine." Yami answered as the nurse nodded and departed. As soon as the door to their room shut there was a loud ding as the sound of metal hit something.

"YEEEEOOOOWW! DAMMIT THIEF! THAT HURT!" Yami yelled as he rubbed his forehead. Bakura had flinged the aluminum bed pan right at Yami's head.

"Hey, I'm not a bad aim with my lesser used hand. Teach you to laugh at my expense."

"I hope you shit your pants thief."

"Probably will now that my bed pan's on your side of the room. No matter, you'll have to smell it. That in itself will make it worthwhile."

Yami muttered several choice words under his breath as he sought to calm himself. He was stuck in the same room as the thief with no chance of escape for at least 36 hours.

The nurse came back with a bowl of cereal and jello for each. She gave both a funny look as the two boys were smiling sweetly with imiginary halos over their heads. What she didn't know were the imaginary devils tails swinging in anticipation under the covers. "Uh, here's some food for you two. If you need anything more, just press that red button on closest to you on the bed rail. Or, you may tug on the cord behind you." she replied as she set up the trays and set the food upon them then tilted their headrests up so they could sit up slightly. She gave them one more quick glance before stepping out. Something didn't quite seem right, but she gave the two boys the benefit of the doubt.

Once the door shut, Bakura began playing with the stethescope he'd pick-pocketed from the nurse. He was a professional thief...even with one arm, he managed to slip an item from an unsuspecting individual.

"I can't believe you just did that thief."

"Force of habit."

"Pathetic."

"So, what's this thing do?" Bakura asked as he fiddled with the medical instrument.

"It listens to your heart." Yami replied. He remembered them doing that to Yugi during a routine physical many months ago.

Bakura put the instrument to his chest. "I don't hear anything."

"You have to put the other ends in your ears dummy."

Bakura did such and heard his heart. "What--yeeooOOOWWWW!!!MAKE IT STOP!!!OOOWWW!" Bakura screamed until he managed to remove the things from his ears.

"Dummy. It amplifies sounds. Speaking would naturally be amplified as well."

Bakura rubbed his ears as he flung the stethescope to the floor. "Bah." was his only remark as he turned his attentions to the food. "Damn woman. I didn't want Wheaties. And what is the meaning of this green wavy stuff?"

"It's jello...a desert."

Bakura tried to scoop the jello. He was having difficulty holding the spoon in his left hand as he was actually right-handed. As he brought it to his mouth, it fell off the spoon and back into the bowl. "BAH! Damnable stuff!"

Yami had to laugh.The thief was just making an already bad ordeal worse for himself.

"Ah, just shut up king. I don't need to hear your cackling." Bakura rattled as he turned to his food. He was hungry...he'd simply have to eat what he was given.

The pharaoh had already began his little meal. He didn't mind the fiber cereal...it was something he liked anyway. The jello, was a bit difficult to eat, but he managed. The thief, wolfed down the cereal and milk by holding the bowl to his mouth each time. And, did battle with the jello in the same manner.

"I always knew you were a dog thief. You even eat like one." Yami taunted. He couldn't resist.

Bakura eyed daggers at the ancient ruler but said nothing. He pushed the table tray away from his bed and tried to get comfortable. His only peace would be sleep.

Yami, upon seeing the thief finally calming down, sighed in relief. He too could relax...or so he hoped.

Later that evening, both were awakened. The nurse flipped the lights on and shook them both awake. The doctor wanted to check up on them and administer medication. What neither medical employee knew was that you do not awaken an ancient king nor a crazed ancient thief from their peaceful slumber without first asking their permission to do so.

to be continued... 


	8. Of Veggies & Teletubbies

all disclaimers apply as usual

author's note: Hey Kat...thanks for the idea...credit to you for the little antic seen in this fic. You know which one! ;)

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 8**

The sudden brightness in the room quickly set the two night-loving patients on edge. Bakura began bitching, rambling off words and phrases that nobody could understand. Yami's eyes narrowed in obvious anger, but his royal demeanor kept him composed and dignified. While he_ was_ mad, he knew nothing would come of it. The less of a fight he'd put up, the faster the lights could go back off and he could return to his slumber. Problem was, that wasn't Bakura's strategy at all.

"Damn you woman, how DARE you interrupt my sleep!" Bakura ranted. The nurse ignored him as she checked his bandages, casts, and tubes.

"If you behave, that tube in your most uncomfortable place could be removed by tomorrow. Your body is healing up faster than expected." the nurse sweetly said.

Yami's eyes flared open briefly. It would be nice to not have tubes in 'certain' places.

"Behave? You come to me telling me to BEHAVE? What manners do you have waking a man's slumber?!"

"Just doing my job."

"Pathetic excuse."

"Now take these." the nurse continued as she handed Bakura some pills.

"Bah! What are these anyway...something to sedate me again?"

"No, that's what this shot is for if you continue as you are." the nurse replied kindly as she held the syringe within his view. On the other side of the room, Yami wished it so.

But Bakura took all the pills in one mouthful and swallowed all with a single gulp of water. "Satisfied."

"Almost." came a reply from behind the nurse. It was a female doctor.

"Just great. I have females all over me and all they're doing is groping my wounds!" Bakura complained as the doctor completed her own inspection of the patient. She jotted a few notes on a clipboard before heading to her next patient.

Yami snickered. He couldn't help himself. Bakura heard him, but would bide his time for the right moment to punish the ancient royal for mocking the king of thieves.

Yami saw the nurse head over to him next. He wasn't pleased at the rude intrusion and interruption of his sleep, but he fought his desire to punish them for their mistake. Afterall, he was now more interested in being pryed free of some of the tubes poking his body. Little did Bakura or the medical employees know that the young king was using his own magical abilities to speed the healing of his body. It was a talent he knew he possessed, but knew not why. And he wished to heal the body that was actually that of his vessel, Yugi. He owed it to him. Unfortunately, it wasn't going fast enough.

The nurse inspected her patient rather quickly. There was just something about the serious eyes that were staring at her. It was like they burned into her soul. She was careful not to cause any pain to her quiet, but threatening patient. Suddenly she noticed a new bruise on the young man.

"Where did you get that bruise on your forehead?" she asked. Yami's eyes immediately rolled over to the still sputtering thief. The nurse then noticed the bedpan on the floor. "Either of you care to explain this?"

"He didn't have one so I offered him mine. Not my fault he can't catch." Bakura responded grumpily.

"If I catch any more antics from either of you, I will be sure to send orderlies in here and they're NOT happy people."

"We're not happy people in here either woman! Can't you see that!" Bakura shot back.

"You need to keep quiet or I WILL sedate you. That's the final warning Mr. Bakura!" the nurse returned with a raised voice.

Bakura remained silent. The last thing he wanted was to be knocked out. Causing misery and mayhem was a necessary evil in his world and if he was asleep, he could do neither.

The nurse continued with the inspection of her other patient. The doctor followed shortly after.

"You're an amazing healer Mr. Motou. The set bone is healing at one of the fastest rates I've ever seen. You may be out of here faster than your friend over there. Tomorrow you will have the tubes removed and might even be able to move about in a wheelchair by tomorrow evening. Now take these." the doctor replied as she gave Yami a few pills. As Yami took his medication, the doctor wrote some notes on the clipboard at his bedrest then both doctor and nurse departed, turning the lights off once again.

Yami smiled sweetly on the outside, but was smirking devillshly on the inside. The thief failed to account for the pharaoh's magical abilities.

Pharaoh-6 Thief-4

"I really do hate you king." Bakura muttered once he heard the door click shut.

"And that's going to matter how?"

Bakura growled, but the young ruler and stifled the words of the thief.

Silence claimed the room once again as the two opted to return to their slumber. It was short lived however as the smell of food permeated through the halls and into their room. Both awoke, sniffing the aroma.

"Food!" Bakura simply stated as he licked his lips in anticipation.

"Brilliant observation thief. Didn't know you had enough intelligence to figure THAT one out."

Bakura flung the stethescope he'd stolen the day before. It whacked Yami in the face and rested upon his chest.

"OW! Dammit thief, I'm really growing tired of your infantile antics!"

"Hurt didn't it?" Bakura muttered then shut up as their door opened and trays could be seen.

Both had already placed their rolling dinner tables by their bedsides eager for a meal.

"Due to the ordeal you two put up last night, we allowed you two to sleep through breakfast. It is now 11am and lunch is being served. You also have visitors, but they have been told to wait until after you finish your lunches."

"All the better. If you had served me Wheaties one more time, I would have sent you to a place where you'd never see light again."

The nurse's aide looked at the white haired young man with a 'I don't understand' look and simply placed a food tray onto his table. As she did so, the nurse entered as well. Bakura's loud voice told her to observe the two young man so that her assistant would not be harmed or badgered by the two grumps.

As the nurse's aide served Yami, she noticed the stethescope upon Yami's chest. Yami had forgot about that when he was distracted by the food smell and Bakura's needless conversation.

"And what have we here? Where did you get this?" the nurse's aide asked. The nurse was immediately by her side.

"I, uh, well, it was..." Yami stammered. He knew she wouldn't believe the truth and being a tattle-tale was beneath the young ruler. So, he ceased trying to explain and simply took the punishment.

The nurse grabbed the stethescope and gave Yami a scowling look. "And I thought you were a well behaved young man." she said as she and the aide departed, leaving the two to their meals.

Pharaoh-6 Thief-5

When the door shut, Yami glared daggers at the thief. "I will not allow that to go unpunished."

Bakura laughed while stuffing his mouth. He was actually enjoying the meal of turkey, gravy , stuffing, and peas eventhough he was having trouble eating once again...especially the peas which refused to remain upon his spoon. So, he used his fork and stabbed some of them with the eagerness of a murderer.

Yami shrugged. The thief honestly needed to be in a different ward of the hospital, but nobody would believe him, so it wasn't worth the effort. Turning to his own meal, his stomach growled in anticipation of a decent meal. As he ate, a pea smacked him on the side of the cheek.

"Excuse you." Yami replied after slurping a slippery gravy-laden piece of turkey that he couldn't seem to cut.

Bakura snickered and flicked another pea at the pharaoh. "Can't eat 'em anyway so may as well make another use of them."

Yami ignored him for a moment and wondered why the thief would cease to clear his plate. He stabbed a few peas himself and found that he could not keep them on the fork. They were still hard. Still, he was not about to stoop to such a low level as pea flicking. But, the tomb robber continued his relentless barrage of flicking peas at the ancient king.

"Will you please stop. You are only proving my case of you being infantile."

"It's annoying you isn't it? Then I'm succeeding." Bakura taunted as he flicked another pea. This one landed on Yami's turkey. Annoyed, Yami flicked it away...in the direction of the thief.

"You couldn't resist either eh king? I'm wearing on you. Guess you're as infantile as me."

"I merely flung it away from my meal."

"And a normal, _well-mannered_ king would have simply picked it up and placed neatly upon his napkin." Bakura stated with a hint of faked high class air to his voice in emphasis of his mockery.

The thief was right though. Yami had willingly stooped to a lower level than he should've. "You're a plague thief. You infect people with your rudeness and lack of manners."

"I'm getting under your skin aren't I? Heheh, I like that. Torment, torture, and anger. You're not so different from me king."

Yami decided that the safest course of action for himself was to simply ignore the thief now. He returned to his meal and tried to ignore the peas landing on and around him. He had to flick one that landed within his spikey hair and another that landed in his meal, but otherwise, he simply allowed the thief his little game of pea flicking. Fully annoyed, Yami flicked one that landed in his gravy. It rested neatly and solidly on the clean white wall across from their beds.

"Ooooh, that's a good one. You'll get in trouble for that one for sure king." Bakura cackled.

Yami growled deeply, but did not react to the thief's taunts. Once his meal was done, he pushed his table away from his bed and clicked the television on with the remote he'd found near his bedside earlier. What he didn't know was that Tea had given him the remote when she had visited his bedside the night before.

"Hey! How'd you get the remote?" Bakura asked as he suddenly realized the pharaoh had control of something he didn't.

Yami smirked and began flipping through the channels.

"Don't you dare put something boring or stupid on king. We both have to watch it."

Yami found a children's show with cute little colored martian-like characters. He remained on it to see what the thief's reaction would be.

"I WILL NOT WATCH TELETUBBIES! SWITCH IT NOW YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A KING!" Bakura ranted.

"Ah, you know this one eh thief?" Yami smirked even more. He set the remote down and tolerated the giddy little show. If it pissed off the thief, then Yami was succeeding in giving the thief punishment for the stethescope incident from before.

"I HATE YOU KING." Bakura growled as he made strange faces at the screen, mocking the teletubbies. It was an amusing sight for the ancient ruler. He wasn't watching the show at all, but rather his roommate who obviously wasn't a happy thief.

Pharaoh-7 Thief-5

Moments later, the nurse's aide returned to gather the trays. She nearly slipped on a bunch of peas that were resting quietly on the floor.

"What the--why are there peas on the floor hmm?" she asked, glaring at both of the young men. Bakura pointed to a pea on the wall near Yami's side. Most of the peas on the floor were near Yami as well.

"If you don't like peas, simply leave them on your plate. You don't have to fling them on the floors and walls." she scolded. It was directed at Yami.

"Ma'am, I didn't--"

"I don't want to hear it. I'm rather surprised at you. And here we were talking about what a fine young man you were." she replied as she finished picking up all the peas on the floor, the one on the wall, and those all over Yami's bed. She then noticed the remote. "As punishment for your lack of manners and reward for this one's surprising show of them, I will give the remote to him." the nurse's aide replied as she gave an eager Bakura the all important tv remote.

Pharaoh-7 Thief-6

The nurse's aide then gathered the trays and exited the room.

"You son of a bitch." Yami growled.

Bakura smirked evilly while flirting his eyes in mock innocence. He then proceeded to find a channel more suitable to himself...or annoying to the king. But, lunchtime programming was limited. There was no scantily clad female shows, no aggressive sporting events, nothing to appeal to the thief. Still, he was not about to relinquish his control of the tv. He stopped a moment on a soap opera as a steamy bed scene was developing. It wasn't Bakura's usual, but it was still a sexually related scene.

Yami rolled his eyes. "Oh please."

"What, not interested in a soap opera? You king, who could romance when he wished would surely enjoy the modern concept of such."

"Utterly fake. Not real. Never happens like that."

"Deceit, manipulation, adultery, plots of murder and mayhem...heheh, I guess I _should like _these shows."

"You would thief."

Bakura remained on the channel as he cheered on the villians and hissed at the goody-goods.

Luckily for Yami, their visitors were allowed to enter within minutes.

"So how are you two feeling today?" Yugi's grandfather asked sweetly with a cheery smile.

Both patients found the over cheerful old man a tad annoying at the moment.

"Fine." Yami replied dryly.

Joey and Tristan noticed a pea that was missed on the floor and snickered. "Heheh, pea flicking. That's the best! So who won?" Joey asked.

He was met with daggers from the eyes of the once ruler. "Oooohh...guess that was a sour subject. I'll uh, well, hey, I brought your duel deck and a bag of Yugi's extra cards. Maybe you'd enjoy tweaking your deck or maybe building a new one just for fun." Joey said as he quickly changed the subject.

Tea noticed the tv on. "You two are watching a _soap opera_!?" she asked in amazement.

"_He's_ watching the soap opera._ I'm_ trying to ignore the fact." Yami corrected.

"I thought I gave you the remote Yami?"

"You did. Heheheheh, he got in trouble this morning and the nurse tooketh away!" Bakura interrupted proudly.

"You Yami? In trouble? That doesn't seem right. It was the thief's setup wasn't it?" Tea asked the king softly.

Yami replied with a slight nod. "Thank you for the remote. It did allow a little payback for an..._incident_ that occurred earlier. The thief really does dislike Teletubbies."

Tea giggled. She now had a idea how the young king may have gotten into trouble.

Professor Hopkins and Rebecca were looking over the doctor's charts that were in view at the ends of the beds.

"The way it looks, Yami might be released before Bakura." Rebecca stated.

"Really?" Grandpa Motou asked as he joined the two Hopkins at looking at the charts.

"What's on those things anyway?" Bakura asked. If there was a way he could get released the same time or before the king, he'd find it.

"Vitals, injury report, notes on behavior, and other things." Rebecca answered vaguely.

"Notes on behavior?" Yami repeated. That might not bode well for him now. He was embarrassed enough for some of his behavior. He didn't want it in writing for all to see.

"Don't worry, nothing bad here for you. Should there be?" Rebecca teased. While she did have an interest in Yugi, she had little interest in the pharaoh himself. If there was a way to make Yugi shine better than the ancient king, Rebecca would make it so.

Tea glared at her. She had a feeling Rebecca might be scheming and Tea would not allow Yami's reputation to be tarnished. She liked Yugi and Yami, and would allow no blemish to affect either. "If there's anything bad, it is probably due to the antics of Bakura. Yami is likely defending himself from such."

"Bakura, it is noted here that you are a possible bipolar case."

"I KNEW he was meant for a different ward in this hospital!" Yami blurted triumphantly.

"You two really aren't getting along are you?" Professor Hopkins inquired.

"A pharaoh and a thief who robs from dead pharaohs. Why would they get along grandfather?" Rebecca replied.

"It's an amusing study to say the least." Professor Hopkins stated with curiousity.

"Oh swell, now we're study subjects. Well, the king over there is a study subject...he's a rat in royal disguise. Rats are meant to be study subjects. Why not dissect him and show everyone the rat he really is?" Bakura teased.

"Speak for yourself dog." Yami shot back.

For some reason though, when Yami said 'dog', Tristan and Tea looked at Joey.

"HEY! Get over it you two. Especially you monkeyboy." Joey replied in defense of himself.

"You KNOW that's a sour point in my life. That was low even for you Joey."

"Sorry, but now we're even."

Grandpa Motou shushed the two friends and turned back to the two ancient Egyptians. "Well, we'll leave you two to get reacquainted. Obviously you two have some _issues_ to work through." Grandpa Motou replied as he urged the others out. "We'll return to visit after dinner. The Ishtars will also be joining us to see you at that time."

"Don't let him get to you Yami." Tea replied softly as she once again, slid the remote under one of Yami's blankets. Rebecca had stealthily snagged it from the resting spot on Bakura's bed while the thief was distracted with the medical reports. She liked neither ancient, but the king was also her beloved Yugi, so she'd support the once ruler before the thief.

Yami winked and thanked her. She too, then left with the rest.

After, an hour passed with little activity from either patient. Then, the doctor and nurse entered. They turned off the tv as they prepared to deal with their patients.

"Okay, we're going to remove the catheters from both of you now. Then you'll both be able to use the bathroom on your own. But, both of you are still committed to this room until further notice. That means no exiting this room. Understand?"

Both nodded. To be able to relieve themselves with dignity was top priority at the time.

"For a day or so after we remove this, you both will be sore in that area. And Mr. Motou, since you're already bruised and sore there, it might be longer for you."

Bakura snickered. More pain for the king was a good thing for the thief.

"You Mr. Bakura need to behave. He's your friend. You're not going to be in any less pain. We will be reducing the potency of your pain killers. You will begin to feel the pain in that broken arm of yours." the nurse retaliated.

"Now, this is going to hurt as we do this." the nurse said said matter-of-factly.

The two cringed as they thought about the process. Both were drugged and semi-conscious when it had been placed. But both were fully awake and not nearly as drugged now.

to be continued... 


	9. The evils of tubes & pleasure of pizza!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 9**

"I have a suggestion before you begin this...procedure." Yami said as he appeared to be first in line for the removal of the offending, undignified tube.

"And that is?"

"Please remove my _roommate_ temporarily? It is for your benefit as much as my own."

"I'm NOT some crazed lunatic, _friend._" Bakura shot back with venom seething in the last word.

"My point is proven. Please remove him?" Yami continued.

With simple eye contact to the two burly orderlies who had escorted the doctor and nurse into the room, Bakura was strapped into his bed and wheeled out of the room. Naturally, he was ranting all the way out the door. When the two orderlies returned, Bakura could still be heard ranting away in the hall from which they parked him.

"If he doesn't quiet down, give him a sedative." the doctor muttered to the nurse.

"Speaking of sedative, would it be possible for me as well?" Yami added. He really wasn't up to more pain, especially in an area that's highly sensitive to start with.

"No, but how about a nice shot of Numbzit?"

Yami nodded his acceptance. As long as he couldn't feel what they were about to do, he didn't care if it was a knockout punch in the face from one of the ape-ish orderlies. Yami also made note to flip a blanket onto his face. He did not want to see the procedure nor did he want the others to see whatever reaction he might have.

In mere minutes, the entire procedure was done and over. Yami only felt the prick of the needle of novacaine and a slight pressure. But the doctor warned him that once the novacaine wore off, there would indeed be more pain. Yami slowly removed the blankets from his face and stared blankly. He wasn't impressed with the whole ordeal. But, he now had to quickly recompose himself for it was the tombrobber's turn.

Wheeling in a still sputtering Bakura, the orderlies kept the young man strapped down. He was obviously a very angry and thus very dangerous patient right now. One orderly suggested to the doctor a possible strap for the patient's mouth, but, with a slight chuckle, the doctor had to decline. He did however, order a sedative. Bakura was just too riled up and the doc needed him to be relaxed for this particular procedure.

"Not fair." Yami muttered under his breath as he listened to the developments on the other side of the room.

"Look, if HE has to be in here then at least pull the damn curtain." Bakura spat. It was one request he was honored as the nurse drew the curtain around and down the middle of the room, thus preventing Yami from viewing anything more. But there was no need to see. Bakura was loud enough to be heard many rooms down.

With a prick of a needle and several minutes, the thief soon quieted down and was sedate. A few short minutes later, the same procedure was complete with him as well. The nurse unstrapped the now sleeping Bakura and then the team of medical employees left the room. The doctor remained to jot a few notes down on his patients' charts, then followed the rest out the door. Being the only one awake, Yami was left to stare at the boring white walls and listen to the beeps and blips of medical machinery. He took the time to summon Yugi and speak to him through their mental link.

//Aibou? Aibou? Wake up!//

With a yawn, Yugi awoke to his partner's calling. /What is it Yami? And what is it they are putting in my body that makes me sleep so much?/

//Turkey. We had turkey for a meal earlier. And I think we're still being heavily medicated. There are many colorful pills they are still telling me to take.//

/Oh. But, overall, I think we're healing up nicely right?/

//You noticed?//

/You using magic to assist? Yes. While I'm still upset about how all this happened, you using your own powers to help fix the situation is a nice touch of apology./

//The thief is driving me nuts!//

/Why do you think I'm sleeping. I'd rather not listen to his annoying bitch and moan sessions./

//So I guess this is more punishment for me eh?//

/Unintentionally, but yes, I suppose so./

//We're going to hurt in a 'certain' area soon. Just want to warn you.//

/I know. But I won't feel it...you will./

//Thanks a lot aibou.//

/More unintentinal punishment Yami./

//I have this feeling that I'll be paying for this for many days to come.//

/Just wait til Grandpa hands you the hospital bill!/ Yugi joked.

Yami groaned. //You aren't serious are you?!//

/I think I'm under his insurance. You should be okay. But, I bet he'll have some 'lesson' to teach you./

//I now know why I usually avoid stupidity.//

/Welcome to Joey's world!/

//One way ticket out of this place now please!//

/Heheheheh, sorry Yami...boat's not leaving for you yet. Relax. The worst is over now...I think. I'm going back to sleep. I'm making up for sleep I lose whenever school's in session./

//Aibou, there's no such thing as making up sleep.//

/Doesn't matter. I enjoy sleeping anyway./

//Sweet dreams then aibou.//

/And don't let the thief get the better of you Yami./

//Right.//

And with that their mental link was broken. Yami refocused on the here and now. With Bakura sedated, he could do more tranquil things. Finding the tv remote once again, Yami flipped through channels seeking something that may be of interest. He stopped short on a channel with documentaries. It was featuring a show about Ancient Greece.

*Greeks had more nudity than all of Egypt combined.* Yami thought. While he didn't have his memories yet, he had a vague idea of how things were. Reading many books and papers about ancient Egypt from Professor Hopkins and others brought the once pharaoh up to speed. He was easily relearning reading of hieroglyphs and his ancient language. 

With slight disgust and conetempt for the rival Greeks, Yami flipped through channels once again. He found a sports channel with gymnastics on. *Hmmm, now I could get used to this.* Yami thought as he watched young women display a competitive edge all the while flipping and contorting in ways that well, amused the ancient ruler. But then, as time passed, he had to change the channel once again. Watching young women in skimpy leotards flitting about was beginning to make the body's hormones rise and that could be potential trouble for an area of the body that was extremely sore and trying to heal. He found a more 'neutral' show...the news. True to his regal nature, he had to know anything about everything that was going on around him and the world. Keeping up on the latest current events just seemed so natural for the once king.

As an hour passed and the novacaine wore off, Yami felt the pain the nurse had warned him about. He didn't want to move his torso or legs period. *Well, this is going to prove interesting. How am I supposed to relieve myself if I'm in so much pain, I can't even walk?* Yami pondered as he knew eventually that dilemma would become a reality.

Moments later, groans from the other side of the room were heard. Bakura was regaining his senses. 

"Damnable place with its white walls and white clothed employees!" Bakura seethed. He was in obvious pain and naturally he had to move and squirm about to worsen his situation.

"Hey thief, keep it down over there." Yami commanded, but ended up laughing halfway through it.

"Not funny king."

"Yes it is. Simple laws of physics thief. Don't move and it won't hurt."

"Since when did I ever listen to laws or rules! BAH! I need to take a leak!"

"Already?"

"Just shut up." Bakura moaned as he tried to manipulate his body. With a broken arm and broken leg in full casts, moving proved to be a challenge. "DAMN THIS STUFF! I'M NOT A FREAKIN' MUMMY!" Bakura spat as the casts impeded and fought his every attempt to get up. Eventually, with much effort, he stood...then fell back onto the bed as gravity tugged on the newly painful area. "I WILL CURSE EVERY DAMN ONE OF YOU!" he yelled at no one in particular. He just felt a need to say that.

"Isn't a curse and a damn the same thing thief?"

"DAMN YOU TO HELL KING!"

"That's more like the thief I know. But honestly, I don't want to be anywhere you will be. I think you wish the same."

There were utterences and mutters from the other side, but Yami couldn't make out anything as far as words. All he heard were more bitches and moans from the tomb robber and a bunch of crashes and thuds then suddenly silence.

"You dead yet thief?"

No response.

"Bakura?"

"Can't you leave me in peace for two seconds!?"

"Fine, wallow in your misery then." Yami shot back as he turned back to the television.

Several hours passed in silence. Then the smell of food returned to the hallway. Both ancient Egyptians perked up at the smell and anticipation of more food. 

"It must be early evening and dinner is being served." Yami observed. He couldn't see the clock on the wall as it was over the doorway and the curtain was still closed.

"About time. They have no right starving me like this."

"Still cranky I see."

"King, I'd watch your tongue. As soon as I figure out how to get out of this bed, I will be able to personally come over there and knock some sense into you."

"I do not fear you thief."

"All the better. I love a challenge."

Then their door was opened. The nurse's aide peeled the curtain back and tucked it away. She then pulled up their trays and set dishes of food down for both. Both young men remained silent as their focus turned to their meals and the yummy aromas that filled their room. This time it was salisbury steak in gravy with sliced carrots and mashed potatoes. They even had a little slice of chocolate cake for dessert.

It didn't take either very long to clean their plates. 

An hour later, visitors arrived. It was Tea, Joey, Tristan, and Marik.

As Marik entered, he looked at the two ancients with wonderous amusement. He'd seen them both briefly on the ski slopes, but both were bundled up and difficult to fully see. Both Bakura and Yami had dark skin tones that rivaled his own. The pharaoh appeared very much as his likeness did on the stone tablet and almost as if he and Yugi could pass as near twin brothers. 

"Well hello you two. Getting along?"

"What's it to you?" Bakura shot back.

Marik instinctively headed closer towards the pharaoh's side of the room.

"Cranky aren't we?" Tea replied as she walked past Bakura who merely shot his tongue out at her.

"Healing nicely I see?" Marik asked Yami with a wink. He knew the pharaoh was likely tapping into his magical powers.

"Not fast enough however." Yami replied as he gave a slight nod towards Bakura.

"I SAW THAT KING!"

"I'm sure you did." Yami deadpanned back. "THIS is what I've had to contend with since we both awoke from that accident." Yami remarked back to his friends.

"Want me to pummel him?" Joey suggested with an evil smirk and flexing of his fist.

"He'd actually enjoy that Joey, so it's best not to indulge him."

"That's right. He's a strange one. Seems to feed off and strengthen with pain." Tristan added.

"News Yami?" Tea asked as she noticed what was on the television.

"Not much on. Ancient Greece doesn't appeal to me and what does, turns out to be a bad thing at this time. Where's your sister Marik?" Yami replied, changing the subject before it became awkward.

"Oh, she's tied up at the convention. She tried to get over here, but some dignitaries showed up and well, that was the end of that. She sends her regards though and wishes you a speedy recovery."

"I see."

The group conversed for a while longer then departed to eat and retire for the evening themselves.

Bakura, ever the bored one was busy checking more gadgets in his surroundings. "Hey king, there's a phone here. Wanna pick on the priest?" he suggested with a wry grin.

Yami rolled his eyes as memories of the last conversation he had with Kaiba replayed in his mind. "No thanks. I already did that a while ago, with most uncomfortable consequences. He and I aren't on speaking terms at the moment."

"Aww, what's the matter? Can't kiss and make up?"

Yami couldn't believe how eerily close Bakura came to guessing what transpired during that phone conversation! "Let's just leave it as is." he replied vaguely trying to find a way out of that subject.

"Fine then, have it your way." Bakura replied as he started pushing buttons.

"Just what do you think you're doing Bakura!?" Yami asked, shocked that the thief was taking his liberties with the phone.

"Dialing for pizza. You're paying."

"I'm WHAT!?"

"What room number is this...ahh, nevermind, found it here on the phone. How convenient eh? Yeah, three pizzas, everything on them but those cursed anchovies got that! Hospital...room 215A. Yeah, add it to the hospital bill...Motou's the last name. Oh and if they're not here in 30 minutes, YOU will pick up the tab!"

Yami could only look in wide-eyed horror as the thief found a way to fill his apparently still empty stomach! Leave it to Bakura to memorize the phone number in the hotel of the nearest pizza place.

Bakura hung up the phone and relaxed. with a devillish smirk of accomplishment on his face.

"You're so dead thief."

"Already am dead. Can't become dead if already am dead."

Yami was left to growl in disgust. "You're unbelievable!"

"And you love me for it."

"One of these days thief, one of these days..."

"But not today king."

Pharaoh-7 Thief-7

_to be continued..._


	10. A whizzing we will go!

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 10**

"Damn I need to piss!" Bakura howled in frustration. He had to get up. He had to use the bathroom...at all costs.

Yami simply watched in amusement at the thief's struggles. In truth, he could and actually wanted to go over and help the thief up, but something told him that his efforts would be met with hostility. So, he simply remained quiet and stayed put. He also thought of the little nurse's button. Bakura had one too. All he had to do was push it and someone would come in to assist him. But...that was probably the last thing the thief wanted. So, Yami continued to stare.

Needing to pause to gather a breath, the thief froze as his eyes locked onto the king's and realized the king had been watching all along.

"You have a problem king?"

"No, but I believe you do."

"It's none of your concern."

"I never said it was."

"Then stop staring at me!"

"Pull the curtain." Yami replied with a smirk. He knew the thief couldn't get up to use the bathroom let alone get over to the curtain which was actually a farther reach than the bathroom.

More choice curse words flowed from the thief's mouth.

"Shall I ask for some soap with your dinner?" Yami asked as he was actually getting fed up at hearing one swear word after another. Sure, he used them now and then too, but Bakura was wearing them to a dull, boring finish with overuse.

Bakura grabbled the first thing he could and flung it at the ancient ruler. This time though, Yami's reflexes and mobility had improved. He caught the thick book in midflight with ease.

Looking at it, he read the cover. It was in the drawer of both their nightstands. "Throwing the Bible now are we? That's not going to go over well for you in the afterlife thief."

"Not my god anyway. AND DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Yami set the book down gently upon his own nightstand. Though it wasn't his religion either, he still treated it with utmost respect. "Look, if you'd stop ranting like a rotten little child, I could help you deal with your little discomfort."

"I NEED NO HELP FROM YOU!"

"Fine then, suffer in your misery. Piss your pants and lay in it the rest of the night."

For a moment Bakura quieted. Yami's words sank in. He did not wish to wallow in his own piss all night long like some baby who hadn't been changed. But, his own pride prevented him from taking aid from his sworn enemy. "I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP KING."

"So be it." Yami replied as he managed to get his own self to an upright position. He grabbed the crutches by his bedside, tested his weight and balace upon them, then made his way to the bathroom himself. "If you're not going to go, then perhaps I shall. No need for us both to suffer." Yami replied with a victorious smirk before hobbling in and shutting the bathroom door.

Once shut, he heard the thief rant with rage. But now, Yami had a new problem. He knew this was going to hurt...a lot. He prepared himself for the onset of pain. It was better than the continuous torment in his head and uneasy feeling in his body from a full bladder. It was indeed painful, but short-lived. Yami felt relieved and relaxed once that little matter had been attended to. Flushing the toilet then washing his hands, he prepared for the exaggerrated look of relief he would give the thief upon his exit. He was going to help the thief regardless, but first, he had to get the thief to lower his guard and accept it...even if it meant rubbing in how good it feels to have the urgency and discomfort of needing to piss whisked away with a flush of the toilet.

Sure enough the thief was staring at him as he exited the bathroom and hobbled back to his bed. "Aaahhhh, what a relief!" Yami said to no one in particular though it was definitely aimed at the thief.

Bakura looked like a kid who watched all other kids get a present except himself. It was a rather adorable expression, even on the rugged, scar-laden thief. The sounds of the toilet flushing and the running water from the sink had worsened the thief's predicament, but he was trying very hard to hide that from the pharaoh.

Yami couldn't help but chuckle a little. "What's the matter thief? Nurse got your tongue?" he quipped.

"No, I'm in shock from seeing your bare ass."

"What!?" Yami replied in shock as he craned his head around and only then noticed that the back of the hospital garb remained open. It only tied on the top. Yami's turn to utter a few colorful metaphors. "Well, yours is like that too I'm afraid. Guess I need to keep my eyes shut if you ever do get up. I might end up blinded from such a wide view."

More colorful, choice curse words in response. Then silence. Yami waited. He understood human behavior well, even that of a deranged, maniac like the tombrobber, Bakura. The thief was contemplating his dilemma, weighing the pros and cons of each option. This was a good start. Despite the fact that Yami despised the thief, he was still a good king. He'd prove that with or without his memories. He helped the helpless...regardless of whom it might be. It seemed like a natural, instictive act for Yami. Though telling Bakura he was helpless straight to his face was not an option. That would've been an act of utter stupidity. Yami was smarter than that and kept that little fact to himself. Yami remained silent and patiently awaited the outcome. A brief moment later, it came.

"Fine king. I will accept your assistance THIS time. But I warn you, if you utter so much as a peep, I will shove your face into the wall so fast you won't have time to blink!"

Yami shrugged, but remained silent, honoring his end of Bakura's 'deal.' Grabbing his crutches, he hobbled over to Bakura's bedside. Luckily, the thief's bed was closer to the bathroom than Yami's. Yami switched to a single crutch, supporting his weight upon the one while using Bakura as the other. Two good legs were better than just one. With an arm around the shorter king, Bakura followed Yami's hobble to the bathroom. Once there he was able to grab the door with his good arm. Yami felt the thief shift his weight towards the door. He took that as the hint that the thief was going to do the rest on his own. So, he waited by Bakura's bed until the thief had finished his business, so he could assist the tombrobber back to the bed.

From the bathroom, Yami could hear utterances of curse words and growls. Since he wasn't allowed to speak, he couldn't warn Bakura that peeing for the first time after that tube would _really_ hurt. He had masked it so well after he had gone. But in actuality, he wasn't only washing his hands. He had washed his face too, from the tears of pain that had streamed down his face during the process. Eventually there was a flush of the toilet and sounds of the sink. Once the bathroom door cranked open, Yami held a crutch forward to stop the thief's fall forward. He was not about to get too close to the thief at this particular moment.

"You rotten son of a bitch. I'll get even with you king." Bakura replied, the hint of pain still evident in his face. He yanked the crutch from Yami and moved towards his bed on his own power. Yami kept distance and allowed the thief to keep his other crutch as he hobbled back to his own bed on one.

"But not today thief." Yami replied with a smirk, breaking silence, but he figured the deal was off now anyway.

Pharaoh-8 Thief-7

Shortly after, a knock at their room's door. Bakura knew exactly what it was. "Enter." he replied. It was the pizza man!

"Bring it here onto this table." Bakura ordered 'kindly' as he pointed to his tv tray then shooed the pizza boy out with a nice sneer.

Yami could smell the pizza and indeed it was an enticing smell. But, he remained composed. Suddenly an idea formed in his head.

"What's the matter king. Hungry? Too bad. All mine. Pathetic loser." Bakura snickered as he opened a pizza box and grinned at the warm, scrumptuous-looking pie.

"Actually, I'd rethink that thief." Yami replied with a devillish smirk. He then pushed the 'help' button that would summon a nurse to their room.

"You didn't."

"I did."

"Son of a bitch." Bakura uttered as he quickly sought places to hide the pizza.

Sure enough, the nurse arrived. Yami laid back innocently as he awaited the events to unfold.

"Mr. Bakura, what are you doing with that pizza!? You are NOT supposed to eat that. It is not on your diet schedule! I will confiscate this at once!" the nurse yelled as she swiped the pizzas out of Bakura's grasp. He only had use of one hand so he couldn't put up much of a fight. And out the pizza went, along with the nurse.

"And they taketh away." Yami replied with a grin of satisfaction. Bakura's only response was a seething growl of disgust.

Pharaoh-9 Thief-7

Both had to change their expressions moments later as surprise guests appeared. Professor Hopkins, Rebecca, Grandpa Motou, and Isis made an appearance outside of visiting hours. It was granted to them due to their schedules and the need to 'check up' on their 'kids' when they least expected it.

"So how's our two ancient egyptians doing?" Grandpa asked as he looked at the two carefully. Were they both actually pouting?

"Fine." Yami uttered though he was anxious to return to the issue with the thief that had been interrupted.

"They're looking better." Professor Hopkins remarked.

"I smell pizza." Rebecca noted. "Ahh, wait, maybe these two tried to smuggle in pizza and the nurses caught it? Could that be why they have sour faces?"

Yami wanted to throw something at the too-smart-for-her-own-cause girl. Her perception wasn't something he wanted to deal with at the moment.

Isis was a bit stunned at the pharaoh's reaction. Like Marik, she was a bit surprised at his realistic appearance and how closely he resembled Yugi, though she expected it given the image on the tablet an all. It just seemed strange to see him in the flesh. She felt a need to bow, but figured that would be awkward to a king who doesn't really remember being a king."My pharaoh, are you feeling better?"

"My pharaoh?! BAH! He's a big baby. Hardly a king at all." Bakura snipped back.

Yami shot a death glare at the thief. He hated being embarrassed around guests.

"Oooh, those are some sharp daggers there." ever astute Rebecca noted, commenting on Yami's expression towards the thief. Yami really wanted to shoot them at her too, but restrained himself.

"I think we came at a bad time." Isis remarked. She could feel the tension in the air. These two had some unsettled business and she didn't really want to be in the middle of it.

"I guess all is well. We'll be back soon." Grandpa Motou replied. He too felt uneasy and as if they had just intruded upon something that needed to be finished.

Grandpa Motou and Professor Hopkins held back as the door shut. They waited to see what could be heard from the other side. It was a way of finding out exactly how well the two were getting along. Suddenly the sound of a thump and some curse words could be heard.

"How about a friendly wager my friend? I have 2 to 1 odds that the pharaoh wins this." Grandpa Motou suggested.

"2-1? Hardly. That thief is fired up and the pharaoh is weak in body and mind. The thief may be more injured, but his will and determination are stronger. The pharaoh will hold back. I give those odds to the tombrobber."

"You're on!" Grandpa exclaimed softly as he and Professor Hopkins shook on the little bet then continued onward down the corridor.

Back inside the room...

"You didn't say that pissin' would burn worse than a flame on skin!"

"You told me to remain quiet."

"Good for nothing king."

"Really? Helped you piss didn't I? You feel better now as a result right? Guess I'm not so good for nothing afterall."

"Just shut up." Bakura moaned as he threw the sheets and blankets over his face and growled in frustration.

Yami shrugged and opted to return to watching the televison.

For once a stalemate of utter anger caused both to quiet down into a peaceful night. Little did either know that they were in for an 'interesting' surprise the next morning.

to be continued...

What could this surprise be? Heheh, yet another tie in to "Aww, Craps." stay tuned... 


	11. Too much of a good thing

all disclaimers apply as usual

author's notes: For those of you who were wondering when Ryou would speak...well there's a VERY little opportunity for him to do so as Bakura dominates the body rather than shares it, but this chapter opens with a normally passive Ryou, whose mustered up a little guts to speak to the wily, bad-tempered tomb robber. AAnyway, on with the story...prepare yourself for a new..., well...let me just get on with the story!

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 11**

But it wasn't entirely a peaceful night.

*I want my body back!*

//Whaa...oh, it's you. I've heard that before...Marik, the loser. Can't you be more original?//

*I thought you were protecting me?*

//Don't whine to me. Ask the pharaoh why your body is in such a state. Now leave me. I need to sleep. Don't fuss about your body. It's in good hands.//

And with that, Ryou had little chance of debating it further. Unlike Yugi and Yami, he did not share a 'partnership' or sharing of the body as willingly. The spirit of the Ring simply overpowered his way into taking over the body when he felt it necessary. But, for Ryou, at least the spirit was talking to him. It was a start.

On the other side of the room, Yami rolled over, forgot how close to the edge of the bed he was, and rolled right off and onto the floor with a solid thump that snapped the ancient ruler quickly into his senses. "##%#$#%!!!!"

"That you king? Can't you shut up even when you are given peace!?" Bakura ranted. He couldn't see what had just occurred, but the king's loud utterings of pain and curse words were enough to fully wake the thief. When Yami didn't answer, the thief merely listened and could actually guage what had just transpired.  
"Heheheh, you're good king! Can't even stay up on a bed. Or were you thinking of other things perhaps? A wild thrash with some of your dancing girls? A romp with that high priest of yours?" Bakura teased.

Yami, wincing in pain was in no mood for the rantings of a tomb robber. "Go to hell Bakura." Yami snorted back as he hoisted himself back onto the bed once again and tried to reorganize his knot of sheets and blankets.

"Been there. It's boring there. I'd rather be here to see if you'd rather go there your....OOOOWWWW! SONUFABITCH!!!!" Bakura suddenly yelped as he too, now winced in pain as a bed pan smacked his face than clanged to the floor.

"Thought you might like that back now." Yami calmly shot back. What Bakura couldn't see was the smirk of satisfaction upon the pharaoh's face.

The thief said nothing and did nothing. While it wasn't always a good thing when the thief went quiet, Yami took it as a sign that Bakura was indeed tired for once. But, he'd not bare his back to the thief after this. There was little doubt in Yami's mind that the thief would want payback.

Pharaoh-10 Thief-7

/YAMI! I can't believe you just did that!/ Yugi yelped from within. The rough landing and surge of pain within his body awoke the body's original owner.

//Sorry aibou. I know I shouldn't lower myself to his level, but it was appropriate just this once.//

/Perhaps. But don't let anyone know I just said that!/

//Heheh, there's hope for you yet aibou!//

/What's that supposed to mean!?"/

//In due time Yugi. Rest now. I'll try to be more careful. THAT little indignity will NOT happen again.//

/One question Yami?/

//Yes?//

/Hospital beds have rails. How'd you get around it?/

//Hmm, so they do. I have no idea. But leave it to me to find ways around impossible things.//

/Yeah, I've noticed. Not always a good thing Yami./

//I just discovered that.//

/Sometimes Yami, I wonder how much of me is rubbing off on you./

Yami mock shuddered. //Now I AM frightened.//

/YAMI!/

//Sorry aibou. You left the door open.//

/And you had to kick me through it didn't ya!?/

//Force of habit.//

/Well, UNhabit it!/

//Heheh, good habits are hard to break.//

/Good habit!? Yami, you'd better rethink that one. You're giving me plenty of time to come up with paybacks./

//You think you stand a chance against me?//

/I know that body better than you. Believe me, there are _ways_. You wouldn't want to lose your little wager against the thief now would you?/

//You wouldn't!//

/Heheh, be afraid Yami...be VERY afraid./ Yugi mock threatened then disappeared without another word back to his own soul room thus leaving the pharaoh to contemplate the words of his aibou.

_The next morning..._

Neither king nor thief spoke to one another as the dawn of a new day rose from the darkness of night. They ate their breakfast in silence. Yami stole a glance at the thief and noticed that the tomb robber was now sporting a nice little dark spot upon his cheek...thanks to one well-aimed bed pan. Yami felt bad as he usually did not resort to such lowly, immature ways such as throwing objects at people, but he corrected himself for this instance. Afterall, turnabout is fair play.

Shortly after breakfast, Yami managed to steal away to the bathroom for a nice, much welcomed shower. He had to be careful to keep the bandages dry, but at least he could feel fresh and clean. Once out, he towel-dried his hair and looked at the grumpy thief as he passed by his bedside.   
"I don't mean to pry, but thief, you smell like you could use one of these too. You've got a stench worse than a stable boy in a pile of crap."

"It's my _love_ scent." Bakura taunted back sarcastically.

"You love skunks? Well, wonders never cease! Now I know why you are ladyless!" Yami chuckled as he continued quickly to his side of the room.

"Speak for yourself, priest humper!"

Yami was about to send another verbal onslaught the thief's way, but the door to their room opened. It was Tea and Rebecca. Both thief and king quickly recomposed themselves. Yami had to slide himself under the blankets quickly as he hadn't quite completed dressing yet.

"Well, how are the two grumpy ancients today?" Tea asked with a giggle. It was obvious upon entering the room that the tension within was thicker than quicksand.

Neither young man replied.

"Aww, now it can't be that bad. You're both healing nicely and will be out of here soon. That's what the nurse said before I came in. But for some reason, I can't help but think she sounded extremely relieved about that. Care to elaborate?"

Yami smirked and Bakura just gleamed with atagonistic pride.

"Well, those expressions speak a thousand words. I can't believe you two! Especially you Yami! It's almost expected with Bakura, but you Yami?"

Yami only shrugged in defense of himself. For some reason, the tomb robber had this ability to bring out the mean, immature, irresponsible side of the pharaoh. There was little Yami could do to defend his behavior.

"We thought we'd stop in before your other visitors and forewarn you." Rebecca added with a cute, but oh-not-innocent-grin.

"Forewarn us?" Yami asked curiously.

Tea and Rebecca giggled. "You wouldn't _believe_ us if we said who so we'll just leave it at that." Tea replied.

"But, here's a bone to chew on...they haven't been any of your previous visitors." Rebecca added.

"Okay, we gotta run. While you two are busy playing naughty boys and broken bones, we gals are goin' shopping at the local mall. Joey and the rest of the gang are going to check out a local Duel Monsters tournament in town. See all the fun you're missing! Heal fast and maybe you'll be able to join us eh?" Tea replied with a wink.

"Want anything while we're there?" Rebecca added politely.

"Hot dogs, lots of them, with relish and tabasco sauce." Bakura requested.

"It speaks?" Rebecca noted with a raised eyebrow.

"Don't push your luck missy." Bakura shot back.

"Relish and tabasco sauce...on a hot dog?" Tea questioned.

"Tea, don't! That combination has uh, _consequences_ that could require us to wear gas masks if you catch my meaning."

"Oh, eeewww, right, skip the hot dogs. But honestly, anything you want or need there?"

Both ancient nodded negatively. Neither were overly fond of malls or shopping anyway and tended to avoid such places when in control of the bodies they inhabited.

"Okay then, we'll all return to visit later tonight. Oh and uh, _enjoy_ your next visitors." Tea replied with a smirk and wink before following Rebecca out of the room.

"Now I wonder what that's supposed to mean?" Yami muttered to himself while the thief simply grumbled and groaned. Bakura had little need for more annoying people to 'visit' him in his little dilemma. If he had his way, all would be sent to the shadows of the dark games.

Moments later, Yami's curiousity got a response. As the doorway to their room opened, a short, dark-maned boy entered with his usual happy demeanor. The much taller, lanky young man entered calmly behind with his usual stoic and stern expression. All that changed however, upon viewing the two bandaged occupants of the room.

"It-it CAN'T BE!" the taller male exclaimed to himself as he grew pale and threw a hand upon his forehead in confusion. Seeing two individuals that appeared as ghosts from a denied past were coming back to haunt in a very realistic way. Everything 'Yugi' had said was true. There was indeed two beings in one body and now that the physical presence of the spirit could be manifested, denial was fast turning into fact.

The younger, shorter male seemed amazed, but unphased by what he saw.   
"Hello, uhm, Yugi...err.." he stammered.

"Yugi is fine Mokuba or if you wish to keep us a separate identity, Yami will do."

"Wow, so what you said was really true. I mean, back in the helicopter during Battle City, you said it, but it all seemed so far-fetched. But seeing it now...you're definitely not Yugi."

"Well wonders never cease! The whelp figured it out." Bakura remarked as his sarcasm and grumpy nature continued to prevail. "But, I think there's something wrong with the priest...probably in shock from seeing his long lost lover return at last." Bakura snickered, but at least it brought attention to a person in need...a rare feat for one such as this thief.

Sure enough, all was a bit overwhelming for Seto. He was leaning up against a wall, pale as a ghost itself and a hand still planted upon his forehead. He wasn't taking this well.

"Brother, you okay?" Mokuba asked as he returned to his brother's side and observed him.

Seto said nothing. His breathing was becoming labored. Inside his head, images of past and present were rapidly spinning. With a slight groan, he slid down the wall, unconscious.

"BROTHER! Aww, CRAP NOT AGAIN!" Mokuba exclaimed as Yami, now dressed, hobbled over as fast as he could. He had already instinctively pushed the nurse's call button on his bed.

Within seconds a nurse arrived and helped tend to the downed visitor.

"What happened?"

"He passed out."

"Why?"

"Uh, long story ma'am." Yami replied. She'd never understand and the explanation would take eternity to explain. They'd all be in another hospital ward after such a tale anyway.

The nurse ran to get some smelling saltz as Bakura looked on, amused at the sufferings of another 'goody-good.'

Pulling a chair over, Yami, Mokuba, and the nurse hoisted Seto into it then administered the foul smelling but conscious-bringing saltz. Slowly Seto came to, but he was still confused and uncertain. Too much was coming at him too fast, especially stuff he didn't even wish to accept.

"Watch him. If he doesn't fully come to in twenty minutes, give me a call." the nurse replied to Yami and then exited the room to tend to another call in another room.

Meanwhile, Mokuba and Yami spent the time in idle conversation.

"Why did Bakura call my brother a priest?"

"His memories appear more intact than my own. I presume that if Seto did indeed have a past life like myself and Bakura, then he may have been a priest of the royal palace. I wish I had my memories so I could explain better, but this is all pretty new to myself."

"But, it's so cool! I mean, wow...I'm speaking to a once king?! A king with no memories, but still, a king!" Mokuba said excitedly.

"King or fool, they're all the same." Bakura shot from the other end of the room, interrupting the two.

"Uhm, so who's he?" Mokuba asked as he thumb-pointed to the white-haired grump in the other bed.

"A thief...a tomb robber to be exact."

"A king and a tomb robber in the same room? Is that wise?"

"Modern reality doesn't comprehend past relationships. The hospital thinks we're close 'friends.'"

"Good thing you don't have all your memories then eh?"

"You're probably right there.Otherwise, this thief would probably never be in my presence."

"I HEARD THAT KING!"

"Obviously...we're in the same room." Yami shot back.

"Are you two...okay?" Mokuba replied, seeing and sensing the hostility first-hand.

"We're still alive and healing so I suppose that is my response."

"Oh."

"So what brings you both here Mokuba?"

"Brother has a meeting on the other coast. But we're arriving a bit earlier than expected. Then, we heard through the duelist grapevine that you all were at a ski resort here and you know how nosy my brother can be. With the extra time we have, we decided to land here and see what's up. We ran into Tea and Rebecca at the resort and they told us what happened to you and Bakura. So, I INSISTED that Seto and I come visit you here in the hospital."

"I see."

Just then Seto moaned and tried to open and focus his eyes. Upon seeing dark skin, he groaned again. The bad dream was still there. He closed his eyes again and tried harder to make the dream go away.

to be continued... 


	12. Of Munchies & Exlax

all disclaimers apply as usual

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 12**

Seto was still in a bit of daze when he felt the cold splash of ice water upon his face.

"You pass out again and I win the duel by forfeit." Yami joked. Gaming threats always aroused the young CEO, even if there wasn't one.

Seto was still trying to deny what he saw, but it wasn't amounting to much in his mind so he gave up. He still denied his own past however...even if this form of 'Yugi' seemed eerily familiar.

"Aww, why don't you two kiss and make it all better." Bakura snickered from his bed.

Both Seto and Yami glared evilly at the thief, but it only prompted the thief to continue his banter. "Bring it on losers!"

Seto was about to stand and give the thief a nice solid fist in the face, but Yami placed a firm hand upon Seto's chest. It was a signal that it wasn't worthwhile.

"I've smacked him with a bedpan, exchanged verbal onslaughts, and still he continues. No sense in wasting energy by giving the idiot attention." Yami replied.

"Is he ALWAYS like this?" Mokuba asked.

"Probably has been since our past. All I know though is that he is one annoying, loud, obnoxious baffoon and the sooner I can leave this place the better."

"Your luck must run outside of duels then." Seto replied as he handed Yami a file. It was his medical file and the papers on top were his discharge papers. He was to be released first thing the next morning.

"How did you---"

"The file was attached to your door upon entering." But Seto was still bothered by Yami's appearance and the denial of his own past. "Are you really Yugi?"

"I am and I'm not. Yugi's body, but my own physical appearance. I know, you're not going to accept this, as you would call it, hocus pocus stuff, so I'm not going to waste your time with any more of an explanation."

"Hey, where's my papers!?" Bakura exclaimed suddenly feeling left out.

"You're a mutt. You don't have any papers." Seto joked back. It promptly shut the thief up for once as the thief pondered that for a moment. Then Seto turned back to Yami. "Your presence is requested as soon as you are able. Kaibaland in the east. I'm sure you know your way there." Seto told Yami as he tossed him a business card and plane ticket. "The others have been invited too since I know you have to drag the entire pound along otherwise you wouldn't show up."

"Wait, let me guess, you mean Yugi."

"I mean whichever personality keeps the title of best duelist. Though you will both be along by default am I not correct?"

"Heheheh, he thinks you're a nutcase king!" Bakura cackled.

"Then you're in worse shape than I thief!" Yami shot back. His patience and temper were actually wearing thin with the always tormenting thief.

"Why don't you just take this tape and mummify his mouth?" Seto shot back as he noticed tape and wrappings on a nearby exam table. Normally quiet Mokuba even had to chuckle. For him, this was an entirely new form of amusement. But, whenever he was around Yugi...some sort of excitement always occurred. He wished some of it would rub off on his brother. Seto turned to leave.

"So that's it? That's all you came here for?" Yami asked.

Seto raised an eyebrow. "What do you want...a kiss?"

Bakura burst open laughing! Yami and Seto both grabbed tape from the exam table and quieted the cackling thief. Unable to mouth his comeback, Bakura gave them the finger with his good hand.

Before Seto and Mokuba left, he tossed Yami one more thing. "Use this on him before you leave and don't say I ever didn't do anything for you. And don't do anything stupid en route to my place. I despise stepping into hospital facilities like this. And one more thing...I'm ruling your appearance off as a hoax. You're still Yugi Motou and that is that." Seto said as he strode pridefully out of the room.

Yami was used to Seto's denails by now. He shook his head slowly, but knew that it was an issue for Seto alone. It was an internal battle that the dragon master had to overcome on his own. Yami looked at the curious looking box. It seemed like they were chocolates...only the name Ex-lax gave away what they really were. He tucked the box into his shirt pocket and returned to his area. He flipped on the tv and realized he could actually hear it. He looked over at the restrained thief.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear what you said? Oh wait, you can't speak can you thief and you can't really move now either can you? Awww, too bad." Yami taunted as he flipped through the channels seeing some annoying show. He found a show on the women's channel about childbirth, complete with screaming, wailing babies. "This should be educational. I think I'll make my way down to the cafeteria for some real food of choice since I'm allowed to move about this hospital now." Yami replied with a jaunty salute to the VERY ticked off thief.

Pharaoh-11 (thanks to Kaiba) Thief-7

Yami found himself delighting in various desserts, particularly cheesecake and grapes. He then meandered into the gift shop and found other delicious remedies such as chocolate truffles. potato chips, and roasted almonds. He also grabbed a chocolate bar that looked similar to the stuff Kaiba had given him. Sure, he was going to share with the thief...only not quite the same goods. He asked the cashier to add it to his bill then proceeded to return to his room...only he didn't quite get there. As he rounded a corner, with a cherry lollipop in mouth, he ran into Tea, Rebecca, and Ishizu. With hands full and a lollipop in his mouth, Yami was unable to reply.

"Well, well...is this a craving of Yugi's or is does the almighty pharaoh actually have a sweet tooth?" Rebecca teased, taking full advantage of Yami's awkward situation.

"Rebecca, the hospital food isn't exactly high in sweet content. He's probably had enough bland food. And since he's being released tomorrow, they aren't exactly going to stop him from this." Tea defended. Yami nodded. In truth, he simply felt the need for some junk food, but he wasn't about to let anyone know that. An ancient pharaoh falling prey to the inticements of modern day munchies? Absurd!

Ishizu smiled politely. But in truth, it was an adorable sight. The mighty King of Games, normally laid back, cool, and unaffected by anything was caught red-handed indulging in modern day youthful desires such as cravings for munchies!

Slightly embarrassed, but unable to allow it to show, Yami, with lollipop still firmly in mouth, tipped his head and posture up in a dignified manner and continued on his way to his room.

"There's dignity for you. Nothing like a royal brush off eh?" Rebecca laughed as they followed. They didn't expect the sight they saw upon entering! The thief, hands taped to the bed rails and mouth taped several times was NOT a happy camper. He grunted as he caught sight of the pharaoh.

"He finally got to you eh Yami?" Tea asked as Yami set the munchies on the nightstand and finally took the lollipop out of his mouth.

"Kaiba's idea. I personally wanted to stick a fork up his ass, but Kaiba's idea was more rational."

"Speaking of ass...I'm sure we could arrange for a colonic for him." Rebecca mentioned.

"Colonic?" Yami asked. The term didn't remind him of anything though half the modern terms used in the hospital seemed like a language nobody but the people in white knew. Meanwhile Bakura's eyes went slightly wide. He didn't know what a colonic was but it was in reference to his ass and that couldn't be good.

Tea whispered in Yami's ear. "A tube goes up and cleans that entire area out by flushing it with water. I hear it's VERY unpleasant."

Yami's eyes went wide as he envisioned such a disgusting thing then recomposed himself and smirked. Maybe there was little need for the ex-lax. But he tapped the box hidden on the other side of his nightstand. "But this will have a similar effect no?"

"Yes, but minus the discomfort of the tube up his butt."

"I can't be that mean. For some reason I feel that to be on his level and I consider myself well above it..whenever I can. Ah, he'll have a hard enough time trying to constantly get up and use the bathroom with that hard cast on arm and leg. This stuff says fast-acting. So if I give him a large enough dose..." Yami replied softly.

"Still cruel Yami. But be warned...you'd better time that near your release or you will also suffer the consequences of it." Tea said as she mock-plugged her nose to let him know exactly what the effect would be.

Yami nodded.

"Now about these treats Yami..." Tea dragged on. She wasn't about to let the king off the hook just yet...he was adorable when in a strange situation afterall!

"Saving them for Yugi?" Yami quickly replied but in the form of a question as he donned his cutest face possible. If he were Yugi, the cute face would work, but for him, it just came out as sexy charm.

Rebecca and Tea both ruffled the pharaoh's spikey hair. "Nice try. Just don't eat all those at once or you'll both be dueling for use of the toilet. You'll be worshipping it while he'll be disgracing it." Tea giggled.

"Your grandfather, Joey, and the rest of us will be here in the morning for your release. Oh and Bakura...don't go anywhere eh?" Rebecca joked as she and Tea left the room giggling.

When all visitors were gone, Yami finally turned to his successful munchie raid. He popped open a bag of chips, flipped the tv channel to the Sport of Kings...horseracing...and began crunching happily. While watching, he could feel eyes upon him...staring at him unblinking. But, he waited until a commercial break before responding to the unwavering eyeballs.

"What's the matter thief? Cat got your tongue? Oh wait, that's tape, not a cat. Heheh, my mistake. What was that? I can't hear you through all that tape in front of your mouth."

The thief's eyes narrowed to lethal slits. If only they were something more than a threat. But...he was a bit incapacitated at this time. Briefly he tried his strength to break the tape that bonded his hands to the bed rails, but to no avail. His legs were free, but with one in a complete cast, he couldn't maneuver either at all.

"Don't worry thief. I'm NOT that dispassionate. I'll release you...just not right now." Yami replied as he leaned back on his bed and popped grapes in his mouth as if he truly was a pampered king once again. "Mmmm..." he said for added effect on Bakura's behalf. He knew the thief was still watching his every move. A dirty idea formed in Yami's mind as he was leaning back, enjoying the grapes and adding erotic sounds as an exaggerrated tease, but he fought to toss it out. He had his own dignity to think about afterall. But still, he was extremely curious as to what effect it would have upon the thief. At this time, it was something he could do and the thief couldn't. Then he thought about Yugi and tossed it out completely. If it was just his own body and mind, he probably would've succumbed to the idea...but it wasn't and Yugi certainly wouldn't go THAT far as to do THAT in a semi-public setting such as this. He was already getting a desired effect from the thief anyway by the sounds of the occasional squeaks of the bed from the thief testing his strength and trying to squirm out of his confinement.

Later that evening...

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" a nurse replied as she came in to check on her patients and found one bound by tape.

Bakura's eyes and head nod motioned towards Yami who tried his best to place a halo over his head, but counldn't hide the spade tail and horns upon him.

"Had enough of his cackling eh?" the nurse asked Yami who nodded innocently. "Can't say that I blame you, but this is against hospital regulations. We can't leave him like this." the nurse said as she began to undo all the tape that restrained Bakura's mouth and hands. "I can't say it's been a pleasure with you two, but best of luck." she said out of the blue. She then jotted something down on Bakura's medical file and departed.

Bakura leaned forward in his bed towards the king. "Be afraid king. I highly suggest...for your own safety...you do not fall asleep tonight." the thief seethed.

"Idle threats from an invalid." Yami replied as he stood and walked over to Bakura's file. "Let's see...what did she add in your nasty column this time?" Yami teased as he opened the file. His eyes went wide for a moment. "Th-this can't be?!" he said aloud, though he shouldn't of.

"What king?" Bakura asked semi-nicely as he wanted to know what Yami had discovered that stunned the pharaoh. Yami had no choice but to respond since the thief would badger him until he did.

"You must have won the favor of some god though I have no idea how...you're being released tomorrow to!"

Bakura laid back onto his pillow and smiled the most evil smug smile he could. Anything that caused the pharaoh discomfort was of great pleasure to the thief.

Pharaoh-11 Thief-8 (thanks to the gods that be)

_to be continued..._


	13. Road Rage

all disclaimers apply as usual

author's notes: Finally an update to this story. This chapter's a bit short, but well, I had to get them over this hurdle first. Where does this story go after this chapter? I'm not entirely sure yet. I rarely if ever plan my fics out in advance and I have accomplished the key aspects in this fic I wanted to. I write "on the wing" and allow the story to progress as it wants to go at the time I sit down to write it. No outlines, no notes, nothing. Guess we'll all have to wait and see...including myself. I would love comments or reviews in forms of ideas from my readers of this. To see what interests you...perhaps I'll see a direction for which way this fic can go since I see so many open pathways for it. This fic and its open plot areas at just that flexible at this moment and is even so open as to its closure within a chapter. So, fellow readers, I'd love to hear from you. Want more? Want it to end? Want more humor? Or fluff? Or adventure? Just please don't request agnst. I dislike dreary, dark plots so I very rarely write such. Real life is too much of that already. And without further adieu...on with this chapter.

**Aww, Scheiss! Part 13**

The early morning rays of the sun couldn't come soon enough. Yami had ditched the idea of the ex-lax for the time being. He figured it'd work better another day, when he'd not have to risk dealing with any of the after-effects himself. And Bakura's threat upon him didn't fruitrate either. The thief, once released of his binds, had fallen asleep first. This allowed Yami to sleep, though lightly and alert in case the thief did awaken and remember his threat.

Yami was already dressed back into his street clothes and had his bags packed just as the sun's rays began to lighten the room. His stirring woke the strangely peacefully sleeping thief.

"Must you stir like a rat?" Bakura growled.

"Perhaps you've enjoyed your stay here, but I have had enough of this place."

"Stupid pharaoh." Bakura muttered and pointed at a sign on the back of their door. It gave discharge times. "If you do know how to read, then I suggest you read _that_, king."

Yami glared a threat towards the thief, but walked over to the sign anyway. Discharge times were listed. And the earliest discharge time was 10am. Yami glanced at the clock on the sidewall. It was only 7am. He uttered a few soft choice words before casually returning to his side of the room. Bakura laughed. While he too, didn't really enjoy their little stay, he was being treated as he should be...served upon by others. He'd relish the final hours. A thief afterall has to have patience and Bakura, as the King of Thieves, was the master of such.

Bored and impatient, Yami had to find a way to bide his time. He flipped through the tv channels once again, but found nothing to his liking. Then he remembered a device that had been placed in their room earlier at the request of Rebecca. He had completely forgotten about it! It was a video game machine.

"Hey thief, up for a little competitive play?" Yami asked smugly as he held the two controllers.

"If it means it gives me another way to beat the crap out of you, then so be it." Bakura replied as Yami tossed the second controller to him.

"Driving or sports?" Yami asked as he looked at the limited selection of games present.

"Driving. I want to run over your little ass and see you splat all over the pavement." Backura cackled.

Yami ignored the thief's little fantasy and set up the game before sitting upon the foot of his own bed.

Both selected cars and characters then awaited the start of the race. It was a street race, complete with spectators, traffic, traffic lights, signs, and other realistic street experiences.

A big busted lady stood in front of their cars with a flag.

"Oooh, come to daddy girlie." Bakura replied as he waited for the endowed girl to wave the flag to start.

"You're sick Bakura."

"And you're dickless if you can't see the beauty in that creature on the screen."

Yami simply replied with a "hmph" and suddenly the girl waved the flag. Both Bakura and Yami hit the button to give their cars full throttle and gas. Their cars squealed off to a start with rubber burning smoke into the air behind them.

Neither ancient egyptian knew much about driving cars. It was a modern item that neither of their vessels knew how to use so neither spirit could tap into knowledge from them. They only knew basics from watching others in cars they were passengers of.

"You drive like a grandma!" Bakura cackled as he easily sped past the pharaoh's car. Suddenly he encountered a sharp turn. Unaware that he should've let off on the gas and slowed his car down, Bakura's car sped off the turn and smacked into a wall of spectators.

"Killing innocents, now why am I not surprised." Yami shot back as his car carefully and slowly navigated the turn and showed Bakura's car stuck and unmoving in the wall of people and haybales.

Bakura growled and thew his car into reverse. Once his now dented car was back on the road, he sped off to catch up to the conservative king's. Before passing the king's car however, another opportunity presented itself to the tomb robber. "Oooooh, squirrel!" Bakura chittered with excitement as he aimed his car into the little rodent and splatted it. "That will be you king...just wait!" Bakura cackled as he was once again on the correct path in the race.

Yami was doing well and growing used to driving his car until suddenly, a dog ran out in front of his vehicle. He slammed on the breaks and his car began to screech and slide. His screen began to spin as his car did. It careened into a wall of rock, broadside before coming to a halt.

"King can't drive! King can't drive! Shoulda hit the mangy mutt!" Bakura mocked.

"You're such a son of a bi---" Yami started as he constantly tried to get his car moving again. The once ruler got his car free and moving just as Bakura's car was catching up. Yami backed right into the oncoming Bakura. The rear of his car smacking into Bakura's driver's side door. "Well, that was certainly pleasant." Yami smirked as he heard the thief gripe in anger.

As both wrestled to free their cars from each other only to bang into each other once again in a stretch further down the race, both lost track of time. They had no idea that their long awaited discharge was looming ever nearer. The thief and pharaoh were too engrossed in their little 'duel of metal and speed' to notice. Mr. Motou and the rest of the gang entered their room an hour early only to find the two ancient egyptians locked in battle via the tv screen and video game. Neither even acknowledged the presence of their guests.

The newcomers were going to speak, but when noticing the heavy concentration and game faces upon the two egyptians, they opted to remain quiet and become spectators until the game was over...except for a certain couple of verbal 'friends.'

"Hehehe, neither of them can drive." Joey commented.

"I don't think they're trying Joey." Tristan remarked. "They've turned it into more of a demolition derby...dueling each other by use of cars."

Occasionally, Bakura would break free of Yami's car long enough to splat a furry animal or person, only to be smacked into by the king's car in retaliation for killing said objects along the roadway.

"Stupid pharaoh." Bakura muttered as once again, the impact and forward motion of the pharoah's car sent the thief's into a nearby tree.

Solomon Motou and Professor Hopkins watched the ancient Egyptian teens with curiousity. They still had a bet going afterall. The entire reason these two teens were in the hospital to begin with was due to an intense rivalry the spanned time and generations. Memories or not, these two ancient spirits had issues with each other and were locked in a seemingly immortal struggle to best one another in anything and everything. Based off what they had studied and seen, it was expected that the ancient spirit of the pharaoh and his high priest counterpart, Seto would be the two locked in this struggle, but the writings neglected this other player...the King of Thieves. The rivalry between these two "kings" was apparently much deeper and more intense than the pharaoh and his high priest...this rivalry wasn't professional in terms of status or rank...it was personal. And personal battles tended to be the bloodiest, cruelist, deadliest of all. But the two elders of the room were beginning to realize that this little seemingly harmless video game was having a rather nasty consequence on the two, supposedly healing teens. Plus, both seemed impervious to the fact that they shared the bodies they had with their other halves...Ryo and Yugi. It was time to put an end to this and return these two to reality.

Solomon walked over to the game system and pulled the plug.

"HEY!" Yami and Bakura both yelled as the tv screen went blank. Then both shook out of their game induced stupor and realized they were not alone anymore.

Naturally, Yami quickly recomposed himself into the dignified, calm, cool, and mannerly being he usually was. Bakura simply gruffed and pouted with little care as to how he presented himself to others.

"Sorry grandfather, I thought that video game system would be a good idea for those two." Rebecca replied as she suddenly realized that the two egyptians could turn even the most innocent of intentions into something dangerous.

"It's not your fault Rebecca. These two just have such a big problem with each other that it brings out the immaturity in both of them." Mr. Motou replied and eyed Yami as he said such. Yami knew that it was all directed towards him. If Yami had used his brain like he normally did, he would've known how to control the situation without letting it result in petty showdowns with the thief. He let his inner emotions get the best of him. Even without memories, Yami knew that inner, personal emotions can be a fatal flaw in a good king or person for that matter. By letting such happen, it lowed Yami to Bakura's level and he detested that completely.

"Still though, don't ever give either of these two keys to a car." Joey interrupted trying to lighten the mood and bring everybody back into good spirits.

"I think that goes for their alter-egos too...Ryo and Yugi, since these two probably tap into the knowledge of those two or lack thereof." Marik added as he slid into the room quietly unnoticed until now.

Yami blushed and turned his face away from everyone and towards the window. He wasn't sure how long the tomb keeper had been there, but for some reason, he felt a need to always act dignified and respectable around him. And now there was a chance that Marik saw another side to the pharaoh.

"So, did you two eat breakfast?" Tea added, siding with Joey in trying to change the subject and lighten the mood.

Both Yami and Bakura looked at each other. How could both of them forget about FOOD!?

"No we didn't eat Tea. We were a bit...preoccupied." Yami answered.

"I guess we'll have to stop somewhere and eat after you two are discharged then." Mr. Motou reponded. "You can't heal properly if you don't nourish yourselves."

Shortly, the doctor arrived in the room to give a final assessment and instructions to the two patients that were no longer to be in his care. Bakura got a set of shiny new crutches and a sling that was quite flexible though the thief continuously reminded the doctor and everyone else that he could take care of himself and do things without aid of such 'weaknesses.' Yami was given instructions as well though he had no extra equipment to take home, just a prescription for medication to deal with the nagging pain of healing.

"Don't forget this one's mental pills." Joey joked with the doctor as he pointed towards Bakura. For once, Bakura actually agreed with Kaiba...Joey was indeed a stupid dog.

"And we'll take this one to the pound and have him put to sleep." Bakura responded, eyeing Joey with a devious smirk.

Joey wanted it to come to fists, but he held himself in check. "At least I don't have fleas like you do." he shot back.

Professor Hopkins and Solomon Motou quickly shooed the others out to wait in the lobby before the scene became ugly. They would remain with the two egyptian teens and the doctor to finalize the discharge.

"You two need to sign these forms." the doctor replied as he handed Bakura and Yami a clipboard full of paperwork and pens. Both scribbled signatures that were quite unreadable and for good reason. Neither knew exactly how they were signed in...if their 'real' names were used or that of their vessels'. Technically neither existed...only the vessels of the bodies they shared. And trying to explain that two ancient egyptian spirits inhabited bodies of two Domino High school students and interchanged appearances and personalities with said teens just seemed a bit far-fetched for those trained in medicine and science.

Once all the formalities of the discharge were complete. Yami and Bakura were told to get into wheelchairs. They were not allowed to walk out under their own power...hospital rules. Once outdoors, in the fresh air...Yami lept out of the wheelchair and in as dignified manner as he could, made a dash towards the parking lot of cars. He didn't know where or what vehicle would be the one he'd be getting into, but he wanted as far away from the hospital as he could get. He didn't want them to pull him back for any reason. Bakura tried to duplicate the same tactic, but found he couldn't do as he said...walk under his own power. His casted leg buckled under the weight it was being asked to support and he nearly fell. With a bit of swearing under his breath, he grabbed the offered crutches and hobbled as fast he could away from the hospital. The others all shrugged and looked at each other before they too, followed suit of the two ancient egyptians.

_to be continued..._


End file.
